Relationships can be hard, I know — especially in college. They require work, effort and dedication. Now I am not saying that I am some relationship genius or guru. There is still so much that I am learning or trying to figure out to make my relationship better and better every day. However, these are some rules of my relationship that have helped it grow and become stronger over the past couple of years.
It's OK to have an argument; just make sure it's resolved.
Whenever I first started dating, I thought having an argument with your significant other meant that things just weren’t working out. I thought that in order to have the “perfect” relationship, you should never have an argument. However, after learning a little more about relationships I learned that it’s OK to argue or be upset about something, just as long as the issue gets resolved. My boyfriend and I have always sort of had this pact, maybe it’s due to our stubbornness, but whenever we have an argument we make sure that we come to a compromise before we move on. We never just call it quits and leave without solving the problem. Also, since we are mostly in a distance relationship it applies to phone calls as well. We made it a rule in the beginning that we would never let the other go to bed angry or unhappy. Even if it’s 4 am and we have to still make it to our 8 am final that morning, we make sure that whatever we were arguing about is resolved. To me, it’s OK to argue sometimes because as a couple you learn how to work through problems. Even though we may argue or disagree from time to time, we’re still on the same team.
Pick your battles.
This is something my mom had told me in high school. It is OK to let those small, ridiculous arguments go. What’s the big deal if you “know” that he got his shoes during the summer when he “knows” he got them during Christmas? What does it matter? He owns a pair of shoes. Congratulations. Small arguments like that where it’s something ridiculous and you both are being stubborn are OK to just agree to disagree in a way. If anything, it’s worth more to agree with their side of the argument and move on. It’s not worth causing a bigger problem that isn’t necessary. It’ll just make you both more angry and frustrated than you were in the beginning. Plus, after, you both will realize how stupid it was to argue about the subject in the first place.
Never stop doing the little things.
Never stop complimenting each other, holding the door open, having little surprises such as bringing them their favorite drink or food, or even something as small as holding hands. To me, doing little things like that can sometimes be more meaningful than the big gestures. It shows that even after all this time you both have been dating, they will still stop and make the effort that they did in the beginning.
Know your significant other's "love language."
This one is so, so important I think in a relationship. If you know how your significant other communicates, then you ultimately know how to communicate back. Your “love language” has to do with how you best receive affection and communicate, well, love. For example, my boyfriend communicates by different “acts of service” and “quality time.” If I do things for him like make him dinner or if I am just even present in the room, that’s when he feels the most loved. For me, it’s mostly “words of affirmation.” If I make him dinner and he acknowledges that by saying how he appreciates it, that’s when I feel the most loved. Being able to communicate it important, but actually understanding how your significant other communicates can make your relationship even better.
Make time for date night.
This is a popular one in my relationship. We love date night. There is just something about dressing up and going out that makes it all seem extra special. It doesn’t have to be a certain anniversary or date to plan a special night. My boyfriend loves for us to dress up and just go to dinner, even if it’s not at a fancy restaurant. We’ve even gone bowling with me in a dress and him wearing a suit. It probably sounds ridiculous, but that’s what makes it fun. Do something you both have never done before, or dress up and go bowling. It’s those random, exciting date nights that make for the best memories.
It's OK to always want to be together, but also learn how to be apart.
I know that when you first date someone you both are probably in that “Honeymoon” stage where you both can’t stand to be apart. However, make time to see your other friends or take time for yourself even. It’s OK to love your significant other so much you always want to be with them, but it’s also OK to not spend every hour of every day with them. I think that having a healthy amount of distance can actually be better for your relationship at times. Trust me when I say that distance does in fact make the heart grow fonder. If you’re always together than you never know what it’s like to miss them, and missing someone, to me, shows how much you both actually care for each other.
Be honest.
Honesty has always been a big part of any relationship for me. If there is no honesty there is no trust, and if there is no trust than what’s the point of being with that person? If you build a relationship on honesty and trust than there is no reason to be paranoid if they decide to go bar hopping or out with their friends one night. Not only that, but you aren’t really able to rely on them if are constantly questioning their truthfulness.
