6 Stages of Recovery After Your Football Team Breaks Your Heart

EVERY WORD DESERVES TO BE IN CAPS AFTER THAT. The first moments following a loss, we linger in bitterness as we point out the 50 mistakes that were made that could've saved the game. Guys brag that if only they were in the game, the mistakes wouldn't have been made. (Although most of them haven't lifted anything heavier than a cooler since their high school football glory days). Girls complain that wearing a sticky bra for this game wasn't even worth it. Those watching the game at a bar were asked to leave for public indecency, and called a cab in fear of road rage. And if you were unfortunate enough to watch the game at home; well there goes another TV screen.  

Shortly following the rage is a period of silence. If someone even utters a word about the loss, a quick and subtle death stare or flick of the bird will follow. You gather with loved ones and no words are spoken, just gentle pats on the back while a box of kleenex is passed around non-judgmentally. Black is the only acceptable color worn, while you sit and ponder what life would be like if our perfect undefeated record was still here on this earth. And no, it is not in a better place now, shut up optimists. 

Ben and Jerry's won't do justice this time. A full on sugar coma seems to be the more appropriate solution. Sam's Club provides mourners with supplies by the bulk - cases of chocolate, frozen pizzas, twinkies and nacho cheese by the gallon. If gaining your 10 lb heart-break weight doesn't do the trick, Northgate offers the next best solution. No need to get dressed up on this occasion, Chimys will solemnly open up its doors to you.

The great poet JT once said, "I can't drink you away. I've tried Jack, I've tried gin. I've tried all of them in. I can't drink you away." But JT has never had a Dr. Pepper Shoot-Out. You'll forget everything.  

Stage 4: Let your whole newsfeed hear.   

So we took a beating. We dropped the ball (literally). That doesn't change the fact that #WRTS. Lets show Miss. State & the rest of the SEC why we deserve to wear Maroon. The 12th man doesn't stay down for long so lets BTHO Ole Miss!