If you've ever been in a toxic relationship, then you understand that the toxicity seeps into almost every part your life, not just your relationship. Don't get me wrong, you're life may not be a living hell every second of every day, but I promise you'll look back and wonder what in the world you were thinking.
If you have good friends, they'll tell you something is off. They may not come right out and say it (although mine did), but they'll at least hint at it. You'll probably dismiss it (like I did), because what do they know (nothing)? They aren't around enough to really see and understand the relationship.
You may also find yourself slowly but surely becoming more secluded from anyone who isn't that special someone. Sure, you still make time for your friends (not enough), but you don't go on double dates with them, you don't try to make new friends, you don't actively search for ways to be involved in anything or anyone else, you don't even hang out with each other's friends. In that relationship, the only thing that exists are two people.
You may also notice that your family hasn't really said much about the relationship (RED FLAG). When you're in a healthy relationship, your parents will notice and probably comment on it because that's what parents do (wow, he's SO nice, he's just what you need). If they aren't commenting, it's probably because your relationship isn't healthy. They don't want to tell you because when do you ever listen to them (never)? So they stay quiet, hoping you'll realize it on your own, or that your friends will tell you (which they already did).
Along with being secluded from other people, you probably don't go out much. You stay at home, hang out, watch a movie, have a few drinks. But you don't go out to eat, or go for walks, or go to the movies (or do anything fun, ever). You find a secluded place and that's that. But when you do go out, it's extravagant, it's so much fun and makes you want to stick around a little while longer in hopes that these two opposites will somehow balance each other out (spoiler alert: they won't).
It's a slow process, which makes it tricky to see from the inside, but eventually you depend solely on that person. You don't turn to your friends or family for help anymore, shoot, you don't even depend on yourself. You've become so dependent on this person, the thought of ever doing something alone seems horrifying. And when they aren't around, you feel worthless. And that's exactly what they want, purposefully or not, they thrive on your weakness and that's a very bad place for you (believe me, I've been there).
At this point, things are probably getting pretty ugly, but fear not, if you have good friends, they won't have disappeared just yet. And because they're your friends and because they're awesome (and because they're really really great people), they won't just give up on you and let you fall through the cracks. They'll tell you again, something about the relationship doesn't seem quite right. But this time, you know they're right, but you don't do anything about it. Because how could you be alone now...
And that's when you really know you're in a toxic relationship. The first time you think to yourself, "I need to get out, but I don't know how I could ever make it on my own," run (really fast to your friends because they'll hug you and eat junk food with you while you cry and take you to Starbucks to talk about your hopes and dreams).
A toxic relationship doesn't equal abuse, it simply means the relationship is unhealthy. It could be with a boyfriend or girlfriend (kind of like I just described), but it can also be a relationship with a best friend, a parent or anyone else really.
Just be aware and don't be afraid to be one of those pesky friends who keeps spitting out the truth, because someone has to (thanks, guys).
Sometimes giving up isn't bad, sometimes it's the only thing that will save us.
