All of my fellow internet peasants will definitely understand these six reasons to love clickbait. These articles are truly the finest literature of our time. (You'll love #5!)
1. I know that what I read must be true.
In the past, journalists were so unsure of their stories that they could only offer their readers patched-together hearsay. These rumors were often called "sources," and became a crutch for writers who did not know the stories they wanted to tell well enough to tell them without help. Clickbait journalists, on the other hand, are so well-informed that they don't need these literary training wheels. Their confidence inspires us to have confidence in them.
2. They inspire creative thought.
This is especially true of articles with built-in reflection time, typically referred to as "loading time." These precious moments of silence and blankness have been known to inspire new thoughts in the minds of even the most jaded readers. In fact, I have known some internet peasants to learn new curse words unassisted between slides. The philosophy behind this reflection time is this: "Frustration is life's greatest teacher."
3. They offer windows to the high points of modern culture as we read.
The advertisements selected by clickbait artisans introduce viewers to worlds far beyond their own experience. For example, just the other day a friend of mine was reading about homeless dogs and learned that there were, in fact, European fairies in search of boyfriends with gray hair, that they lived on a website with a strange and suspicious url, and that they were looking specifically for her, which was especially astonishing, considering that she is young, female, and brunette, and most certainly not gray-headed boyfriend material. We know so little of the world. We ought to embrace these opportunities to educate ourselves.
4. Clickbait authors are pioneers on the prairie of multimedia presentation.
As technology becomes more and more integral to our daily lives, the visual, literary, and performing arts also become more and more connected. Professional pianists have played recitals with videos playing behind them. Art and poetry have often been put together and occasionally are meshed into one. Each art form inspires the others. Clickbait authors in particular, though, are forever and always stretching the boundaries of multimedia presentation. They have reached a point at which relevance is no longer a necessary element in the union of two forms; they are capable of blasting a haunting jingle about the sweet, sentimental scent of laundry detergent over a compelling article about the injustices of the stereotypical parking garage while having the combination seem perfectly normal and natural to the reader. Such artistry is often a catalyst for the creative thought I mentioned earlier.
6. Clickbait articles are perfectly designed to fit into the insanity of my day.
I am a young adult in the twenty-first century, a college student with piles of homework, a young whippersnapper with too much ambition and too many commitments. Obviously, my workload doesn't mesh well with the kinds of deep insights and thoughtful arguments that require a dozen paragraphs apiece. Clickbait authors, unlike more old-fashioned writers, understand that my attention span has been destroyed by the smartphone age, and they cater to my weaknesses by giving me bite-sized pieces of humor and source-free truth to enjoy between classes and meetings. Where traditional journalists and essayists believed that the majority of reading time was to be spent reading the actual article, clickbait authors understand that the majority of reading time should instead be spent waiting for advertisements to load while I stare thoughtlessly at my phone to avoid talking to the people I call my friends. Such understanding gives us hope that someone understands the struggles and intricacies of this new generation. Truly, clickbait, with its compact form, inspiring and educational content, and deep understanding of time management, is the literature of the future.
