Ah, going home for Thanksgiving. It’s like a play we’ve all rehearsed for a million times. We have all of our bases covered when it comes to the 20 questions game parents like to play. We’ve done the math to figure out the balance between spending time with family, spending time with old friends, and spending time in bed catching up on Netflix. Going home for the holidays is an art, really, and here’s some of the thoughts that run through our mind while we survive the week:

1. YES. Thanksgiving break. I’m not leaving bed for a week.
2. Home cooked meals. No spending money. No class. Best week ever.
3. Don’t want to make this drive. Or pack. Why isn’t teleporting a thing yet.
4. Wow my hometown looks different.
5. THEY CLOSED MY FAVORITE MEXICAN RESTAURANT
6. I’m outraged.
7. I hope my mom doesn’t notice the 5 pounds I gained...
8. ...Who am I kidding? She’ll definitely notice
9. They’re not even home. Glad y’all were excited to see me!!!
10. At least the dog is excited to see me. I swear he’s the only one who misses me.
11. Oh here they come pulling into the driveway now. Deep breaths.
12. Please don’t ask about my grades. Please don’t ask about my grades. Please don’t…
13. What do I say when they ask how school is going?
14. I could go the ‘Oh it’s great! I have so much fun all the time and I’m never stressed and everything is perfect’ route…
15. ….or I could be honest and tell them I’ve filled out the application to withdraw six times.
16. I’ll just lie.
17. Was the couch always right there?
18. I swear they’ve rearranged the entire house.
19. The dog’s gained weight. I always got in trouble for feeding him from the table…
20. Do I have to ask to leave the house? Or do I just… go?
21. I forget how this works.
22. A CURFEW DAD ARE YOU KIDDING ME
23. Self reminder that he still pays your car insurance and phone bill…
24. Yes Dad I would be thrilled to come home at 11 and spend time with you! You read my mind!
25. On second thought why change out of my sweatpants and slippers?
26. Plus they offered me a glass of wine.
27. Wait. They put emphasis on the ‘A.’ They really mean one. Like a singular glass.
28. What good does that do?
29. Honestly, when’s the last time I didn’t drink wine straight from the bottle?
30. Okay, they’re being generous. This is my third glass. I’m feeling it.
31. Don’t say anything stupid. Act natural.
32. Must not cuss. Must not cuss. Must not cuss.
33. Dammit. I just said dammit. Out loud.
34. They didn’t notice… or maybe they did and they didn’t say anything.
35. VICTORY IS MINE THIS IS ADULTHOOD
36. Oh god. Here we go.
37. No mom, I don’t have a boyfriend. But maybe if you ask again in 20 minutes I will.
38. Nope. Still no idea what I’m doing when I graduate but thanks for reminding me it’s only 6 months away.
39. Yeah Dad, my money situation is great -I haven’t had a negative account balance this year! #winning
40. No, I don’t go out that much. Just any day that ends in a Y.
41. I am always responsible and make great decisions, don’t even worry.
42. Yes, of course, I keep my room clean.
43. They’re finally going to bed. Blessed.
44. I actually have options for my midnight snack… this is exciting.
45. So much food. This is like $9000 worth of groceries.
46. WATER PRESSURE HELLO I FORGOT YOU EXISTED
47. And hot water. I’m never getting out of the shower.
48. Just kidding. My bed crafted by the Charmin bear himself is awaiting my presence.
49. I forgot how great this WiFi is. No buffering on Netflix!
50. Oh my god, it’s 5 a.m. and I’ve watched a season and a half of Friends.
51. But it’s fine. I don’t have to set an alarm or do anything tomorrow.
52. Maybe I’ll just stay here forever. Who needs school?