For generations, adults have preached the old belief of finding someone you love, getting married, and starting a family. But what if you find someone you love, start a family, and completely skip the middle marriage part? After thinking long and hard on the matter, I have come to the stance at this point in my life that I would love to have children, but don’t want to get married.
The positives to marriage are clear: being with your true love, stability, unity, etc. However, there are also powerful fears and doubts that go along with jumping the broom. In America today, 40 to 50 percent of marriages will end in divorce. There are two aspects that make divorce so stressful: the legal and emotional struggle. Although I have never been through a divorce, I have seen it happen. The separation of assets, property and other legal procedures is mentally taxing to anyone that goes through the process. This separation of belongings takes an even more powerful effect when children are involved. Along with the legal struggles, going through a divorce takes an emotional toll as well. In many ways after becoming husband and wife, two separate beings become one. When this unity is torn apart, it can lead to depression, which in turn can lead to health related issues. Emotions can run high during a divorce process and it may lead to the parties involved making rash decisions.
Even though I don’t want to get married, I would love to raise my own children one day. Kids are the ultimate challenge, and while a man can have multiple ex-wives, a child can only have a single biological father. I want to take on the challenge of being completely responsible for another life. While a child is young, it is up to their parents to protect and educate them about the world. It takes a delicate balance of sheltering and allowing them to engage in their own experiences.
Numerous people have told me that wanting kids, but not marriage, is a conflict. A child may be better with a full family but there are plenty of single of parents out there providing their children with a great home. I do not like the idea of my children living in two places, spending two weeks at their mother’s home and another two weeks at mine. In a perfect world, I would like to find the woman I love, share a home and children with her and never take the legal jump of marriage. However, I realize it’s highly unlikely to find any woman that is OK with that situation because of the culturally stereotypical “happy ending." The majority of females, and some males, long for the idea of a big wedding in front of their friends and family. I’m still young and have a lot to learn, so my feelings about marriage may change. Until then, I will continue thinking the topic over and preparing myself to become the best father, (maybe even husband) I can be.
