If you've spent any time on a Christian campus like Spring Arbor University, you've probably heard people talk about "Ring by Spring." The ring being referred to is NOT a phone call, but an engagement ring - and even though Ring by Spring is something of a joke, the amount of marriage proposals that occur is not.

If you put a bunch of 18-25 year olds on the same campus and let them interact, marriage is sure to be a common topic of discussion. I've listened to many of those discussions, and I've heard a lot of confusing expectations of marriage. These are a just a few suggestions for how we might be able to think about marriage differently, especially on Christian campuses.

Two disclaimers: first, I am not married. I actually have very little relationship experience. I'm not claiming to be an expert here - take my humble observations how you will. These observations are probably more applicable to single people looking ahead than those already in committed relationships.

Second, I have nothing against marriage. It's a beautiful thing, and I'm excited for all my friends that are entering into that journey!

With that, let's get into 7 ways to think differently about marriage:

1. Marriage isn't part of everyone's story

I don't mean that you might not be able to find someone; I'm saying there are people who don't want to get married. There are also people who feel God wants to use them in singleness rather than marriage. Paul, the author of more than half of the New Testament, is one of those (see 1 Corinthians 7).

2. You're not going to find "the one"

Think about it this way: friendships are built of sacrifice, patience, and care. They aren't just "destined" to happen once you find someone you get along with. Why do we expect romantic relationships to be different? "The One" is the person you choose to commit to. There is no such thing as a perfect person or a perfect match.

3. Parenthood doesn't have to follow marriage

There was a time when Christianity taught that the main point of marriage was to bear children, and sex was a necessary evil to accomplish that goal. Thankfully, we've moved past that paradigm. Not everyone can have children and not everyone wants to...and that's okay.

4. Marriage isn't the only way to have life-long companionship

We seem to have forgotten the importance of intimate friendship. Being single does not have to be synonymous with being lonely. Practice intimacy with your friends, not just your romantic partners.

5. Avoid gender essentialism

Gender essentialism is basically the concept that all women are one way and all men are another way. The sweeping statement that men want sex and women want intimacy is an example of gender essentialism. Be careful not to foster unhealthy expectations based only on someone's gender.

6. You don't need an "other half"

You are a whole person. If you find yourself in a relationship where the other person "completes you," please be careful. Maybe we need to learn to be okay on our own before we commit ourselves to another person.

7. Marriage won't make all your problems easier

This one is pure speculation because I've never been married. But consider this wisdom I've heard from others: If you’re selfish before marriage, you’ll be selfish after. If you have a hard time trusting people before marriage, you’ll have a hard time after. We need to stop treating relationships like some magical entity. Relationships are built on two people’s hard work.

There is no end-all script for relationships to follow. Your path to marriage might not look like the Facebook update that got 300 likes; that's OK. Take this time to get to know yourself, your dreams, and your calling. Then, when and if you decide to pursue a life with another person, I wish you both the best.