We've waited an entire year since the cliffhanger that seems to be every season finale happened for season three of "Orange is the New Black." Last week, it finally happened: Season four dropped on Netflix for us to binge watch to our hearts' desires and we were ready to get some resolution. But did we, really? Here's where my mind went while watching this season.
1. Oh my gosh we're picking up right where we left off at the lake. What a beautiful moment. Look at those beautiful ladies enjoying that glorious day. They deserve a day on the water.
2. Wait this is prison, I guess they're not supposed to be having a ton of fun.
3. I thought Maureen and Suzanne were super cute, but now it seems like Maureen's a little unstable. Also, Suzanne should not be eating lead paint. Oh, no.
4. I feel like Judy King is kind of a neat addition to Litchfield. Some OITNB Martha Stewart action going on, I can dig.
5. Okay, Alex definitely murdered someone, everything is not okay, send help.
6. I did not want to see that much blood. So much blood.
7. Too much is getting slipped past these guards, what are they being paid for? HELLO, there's a dead body just chilling in the garden!
8. I'm so worried about our precious, beautiful Sophia, I had completely forgotten that she was in the SHU for a second!
9. I have a weird feeling about Linda from Purchasing. She's up to something.
10. If I were in prison, I'd definitely get bangs. I'd have plenty of time to grow them out if I didn't like them.
11. Wait, well hopefully not too much time, it seems like even the people in here for more minor crimes have really long sentences.
12. Piper is the worst. Did she really ask if her infinity symbol tattoo looked tough? That's infected girl, please get yourself checked out. Or maybe don't tattoo yourself with an unsanitary needle, c'mon.
13. Ew, every time I start to become okay with Caputo as a person, he does something creepy again. I was rooting for you, man, but you let me down.
14. Super happy for Taystee, I feel like this job is great for her.
15. Brook and Poussey? Omg. So sweet, so cute, I ship.
16. This Frieda chick is insane, she's just murdering like there's no tomorrow.
17. But I guess seeing as New York doesn't have the death penalty and she's already in a prison in Upstate, it's fine? Murder is fine. No, that can't be right.
18. Healy is another one that I struggle with. Is he a good person? I think so. But has he done some not okay things? Definitely. Either way, this story with his mom is breaking my heart.
19. Dick van Dyke truly is an American hero, that is true. Lesbianism, however, is not a disease.
20. Shoutout to MDC for being behind menstrual cups, what an investment! Way to save money and the environment.
21. Did Piper seriously just accidentally start a white power group? Her idiocy cracks me up, but this definitely is no laughing matter.
22. Hold the phone, can we just address CO Bennett? WHERE THE HECK IS BENNETT?!
23. Taystee calling the library to get "critical information" about Beyonce would be exactly me in prison.
24. Speaking of Beyonce, none of those girls have seen Lemonade yet, that's no way to live.
25. I think Lolly is adorable. It's truly unfair that she isn't able to have access to the mental health care that she needs and truly deserves, and that's hard to see.
26. I commend this show for bringing some of those hard-hitting issues to light, those women go without a lot, and even thought they're criminals they deserve human rights, this is ridiculous.
27. Also, Christina Brucato as younger Lolly. Hello, she's incredible.
28. Could I handle being branded? Can cows handle being branded?
29. Super handsome construction manager man. Is it okay that the prisoners are sexually objectifying him? How would I feel if the gender roles were reversed?
30. My poor Lorna! I honestly want her to be happy.
31. I'm not a big fan of The Wiz, but I guess if I were in prison I'd be excited to see a musical. Wait why do I keep picturing myself in prison? I haven't done anything remotely criminal. Wait have I?
32. How long can the average person stand on a table?
33. Omg omg omg they found the body. Everybody stay calm. STAY CALM DON'T SAY ANYTHING.
34. Again with the falling down on the job, HOW DID NO ONE NOTICE THAT A GUARD GOT MURDERED. Is prison some sort of lawless free-for-all?
35. I'm starting to get real sick of Piscatella. Just no.
36. Okay, this new guard is the bane of my existence. First making poor sweet Maritza EAT A MOUSE and now he's instigating a fight between two inmates? You've got to be kidding me.
37. Oh my gosh, everyone is getting up on the table, what a show of solidarity.
38. Wait.
39. No.
40. Poussey, you have to be okay. You have to get up.
41. This is not happening. There is no way this is happening.
42. I can't go on anymore.
43. Is this real life? It can't be.
44. Everyone is so sad and I am so sad and America is so sad.
45. This is truly horrendous. I can't believe no one has called the police or moved the body yet.
46. I'm having a lot of feelings about Bailey, he's just a kid, he's so worried, but also, a woman died.
47. Whoa okay, that idiot CO brought in a gun and now Daya has it. This is truly a domino effect of bad choices.
48. WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING. DAYA WHERE'S YOUR MOM WHEN YOU NEED HER.
49. Is it safe for us all to have binge watched this entire season in such a short span of time? Probably not.
50. ...And here we go again, that was quite the wild ride, but I expected nothing less. I'll see you in a year, Litchfield.
Ball's in your court, Orange is the New Black.
