The Minnesota State Fair is one of the ultimate fairs in the country, and with good reason. Hundreds of thousands of people attend for the adorable animals, high-flying rides, rare trinkets and of course for the ultimate goal: to discover and enjoy the best fried food known to man. Do you love people watching, an array of smells and watching all your money fade away? Then this is the place for you. If you've visited a handful of times, never heard of this event or attend every day, all week, each year, you might connect with some of the thoughts that run through the mind from the beginning to the end of spending hours there:
1. Thirteen dollars to get in? I'm really paying for a lifetime of happiness!
Paying money to be able to spend more money on ridiculously-priced food? This is what you worked all summer for!
2. Regular, foot long or jumbo corn dog?
Let's be real here, one of each should do the trick.
3. Can I take one of these cows as a pet?
Brown, black & white, big, small, fluffy and they can substitute as beds! Honestly, who knew!
4. I only have $100, do you think that's enough?
If you believe you'll only spend $30, think again and then start questioning if you should've asked for a bank loan to support your needs.
5. Neeeeed waaaaterrrrr!
If you've seen the Spongebob Squarepants episode where he is without water, you'll understand what being parched feels like.
6. I should've worked out a lot harder last week
Let's be real, no amount of working out could've prepared you for stuffing your face. It's the thought that counts, right?
7. What is that smell?
Fair scent should have it's own air freshener: "Sweaty humans with stinky food surrounded by barnyard scent". Sounds appealing, doesn't it?
8. Twenty-three napkins wasn't nearly enough
If you don't get a stain on you or your friend's clothing, where is the fun in that? People should be able to look at you and know what you've eaten.
9. We need to time it perfectly so we can get Sweet Martha's Cookies Jar and not wait in line for an hour
You think waiting in line for an hour for cookies is an over exaggeration? This is no joke. When they give you four dozen melt-in-your-mouth goodies, you would wait a lifetime.
10. This only happens once a year; I need to stuff myself, then I'll hibernate until next year
This is how animals do it, right?
11. People need to wear deodorant these days...
12. Watching cows get milked is strangely satisfying... but mostly weird
13. I need to wash my hands, pronto
Germs! The fair is a great place to build you or your child's immune system.
14. Does it feel like the entire American population is here right now or is that just me?
15. Must... Keep... Eating...
16. Do parents actually let their kids wear those outfits in public?!
The thoughts of a teenage girl might entail:
17. Wait, are those girls even wearing clothes?
18. I need a personal trash can to follow me around
This would be extremely convenient.
19. I don't care how expensive this food is, I'm eating everything my heart desires
Only $16 for a bucket of cookies?! What a steal!
20. I don't know where I am right now
The dedicated fair-goers have the place memorized like the back of their hand, but in all reality, that place should be considered a maze. Hold on to your loved one, folks.
21. Why do people need to be so close to me?
When you're battling hungry humans, careless walkers and a heavy flow of traffic, personal space just isn't a thing.
22. I've already eaten this much food, I might as well keep going until I die
You won't get to taste any of this deliciousness for an entire year, who cares about your breakouts or the amount of times you'll need the bathroom.
23. Horse noses are really soft
24. I need a bathroom ASAP!
Why is the line for the bathroom all the way to China? This is an emergency, let's move!
25. I'm sooo tired, can I lay down right here?
The ground is covered with forgotten food, puke, beer and horse droppings, but sure! Sounds comfy to me!
26. I don't feel well
This feeling lies on a continuum between, "I could shove one more fry down uncomfortably" to "sweet mother of mercy I think this is what is feels like to be pregnant."
27. Driving that ambulance through crowds of people doesn't seem very effective
28. Where does the line begin?
29. Why is that goat eating plastic?
30. NO BUDGING! I've waited all year for this!
How everyone really feels about those who cut in line:
31. Logically speaking, if those people on that ride throw up, it will smack me in the face
Piece of advice, don't stand near rides. Who knows what surprises you'll get.
32. Shirtless firefighter with the big muscles, please save me as I'm being blinded by love
33. *Finds food on the ground*: Why would someone waste such a fine treasure?
Let's have a moment of silence for all the food wasted. May it feed hungry squirrels.
34. I really, really, really need to shower right now
35. What is that sticky substance on my leg?
Did it come from an animal? Food? Bathroom? A human? The world may never know.
36. Where is that alpaca I got to pet last year?
37. Do the calories after your third bucket of cheese curds actually count?
Probably not.
38. This is my last food item I swear
But look... deep fried cookie dough, corn, apple turnovers, ice cream...
39. This is the best day of my life
The visits always get better and better.
40. Belly shirts should not be a thing... especially at the fair
41. I know I gained at least ten pounds
Don't worry, it's usually burned off by walking around the fair... to find more food.
42. I strongly dislike people right now
43. Will someone please carry me to the car?
This is the moment of realization where you wish you were a kid being pushed in a stroller. If you can still feel your legs after your time there you didn't do it right.
44. I would look so awesome as a police officer on a horse
These men and women of authority run the streets in style.
45. I'm never eating again
A mixture of emotions is explaining the great Minnesota get together in a simple way. Don't worry though, no matter how sick you got from overeating, tired you were from roaming or scared of people you were, you'll be in attendance in the future.
