Ever since I was a wee little thing, my aunt would say that I was five going on 30. In other words I've always been an old soul. The older I get and the more I get to know myself, the more I've learned this to be completely true. I wouldn't say I'm necessarily an old soul, because I do still enjoy many activities that people my age participate in. But though I am an unmarried, broke, 24-year-old, I've learned that my spirit animal is really a 30-year-old homebody who is in a serious relationship with herself. As I have started to venture into my mid-20s, I've started to notice some things about myself that really do prove that I'm the wrong age. Ergo...
Official list of reasons why I know I'm actually 34, not 24:
1. I feel too old for my friends and the majority of the people around me a lot of the time.
Don't get me wrong, I love my friends to pieces and would do anything for them, but most of the time I feel like I'm a decade older than them. Wrigley bars have youths everywhere.
2. The TV is too loud.
3. When it comes to other peoples' lives and personal relationships, I have only three words: I don't care.
Sally and Bob broke up? That's nice. Ashley hates Heather because she looked at her the wrong way? I can live with that.
4. Comfy pants and comfy shoes over everything.
I don't even wear heels to formal events anymore. Happy feet is better than being five inches taller. You girls take those spiky platform heels off half way through the night, anyways. Might as well wear some cute sandals. Have fun with your blisters!
5. I love waking up early.
6. I have absolutely no tolerance for sloppy drunken 21- year-olds who think drinking is something they have discovered.
Relax Christopher Colombus. You're not the first or the last to claim your "drink" is a well vodka cranberry.
7. You guys are going to the bar?
But it's Thursday! "Scandal" and "Grey's" is on tonight!
8. My roommates record "The Bachelor."
9. If I'm not home by 9 p.m. and can't watch my shows, read my book, and then get a full night's sleep, you don't want to deal with the repercussions in the morning.
Sleep deprived me is not a pleasant person. Ask my mother. I tend to take it out on her.
10. I read the newspaper. Like the paper kind. I know. Very high society of me.
11. I can't keep up with people my age.
Sometimes I envy their ability to binge drink, but then I think about the repercussions of drinking more than my usual glass or two of pinot grigio and I think, eh, better not.
12. Panama City Beach for spring break sounds like my worst nightmare.
An entire week of walking around the beach in a drunken oblivion day in and day out? I'd rather go to Alaska by myself.
13. I know myself so well that I know exactly what I want, and I don't like to waste my time with things and people who are not worthy of it.
Some people call it being picky. I call it living efficiently.
14. Dating anyone my age is out of the question.
Chances are you're still a child and I am obviously a mature adult. Puhlease.
15. I've almost forgotten what it's like to be a teenager even though it wasn't that long ago.
Seriously though. It was six years ago.
Though I am an older soul, I still know how to let loose and have fun. I just have more responsible fun than most people my age. I have learned that I can have just as much fun being sober if not more since I can remember everything. I have learned that getting a better night's sleep usually allows the day to start of right. Being an old soul doesn't mean I sit home every night and knit sweaters while listening to talk radio. I still think, "that's what she said," jokes and farts are hilarious. Being an old soul just means that I have a more mature outlook on life than many of my peers. For some reason I have ended up wiser than my years which can be a blessing and a curse. But don't worry kiddies. You'll catch up.
