In the last few years of my life, I have discovered the value of appearing confident. Of course, this is not the easiest task for everyone — many people, including me, struggle to be comfortable in their own skin. Many others are confident, but water themselves down because they think others will judge them or perceive them as “cocky.” But, confidence is not all about bragging about yourself and assuming you are better than everyone. It simply means that you have found things to love about yourself and do not worry what anyone else thinks. Have you ever noticed how refreshing it is to be friends with someone who is confident? You feel like you can be yourself around them, because they do not worry about what others think of them and their attitude is contagious. If you want to appear more confident, here are some lessons I have learned.

1. Talk slower

This sounds weird, I know. But I used to talk pretty fast, especially when I was excited or nervous (that has not completely gone away). I had a conversation with someone who told me that those who talk slower appear more confident because those who talk fast appear to be very eager to get their words out — it can sometimes seem that they are overly worried they will not get a chance to talk. Ever since hearing this, I have made a conscious effort to talk slower. I know it is a hard habit to break, especially since it may not seem to you like you are talking that fast. It is nothing to be ashamed of! Do not feel pressured to break the habit completely right away, for it takes some time to get used to. But, if you try to get into the habit of talking at a somewhat slower pace, it will soon feel like second nature, and I guarantee you will appear more confident.

2. Conquer the fear of the selfie

I am not saying go and flood your entire Instagram feed with selfies of you just lounging around the house, because that definitely will annoy a lot of people. But if you are doing something fun or love the way you look at a particular moment, do not be afraid to take a selfie and post it! I used to be insecure about posting selfies, for I thought I was not photogenic and no one would be interested in seeing a picture of my face. But recently, I have conquered my fear of selfies and have been more willing to post them on Snapchat and Instagram, and it feels incredibly relieving. Do not be afraid to post a selfie that you like! As simple as posting a picture of you smiling (or frowning or making a duck face or any other face) sounds, you are showing the world that you are happy with yourself and are not afraid to show off your confidence!

3. Wear whatever you want ... seriously

The truth is, there is no particular outfit or style of any sort that makes you appear more confident. Some seem to argue that those who go to class in sweats or pajamas without makeup are the most confident, for they do not care about what others think of their appearance, while those who put lots of effort into their outfits seem like “try-hards.” Others may argue that those who do not dress up are less confident because they are afraid to make a statement.

The real answer is, the way to appear the most confident is by simply wearing what you want — you look the most comfortable if what you are wearing is the most comfortable to you. If you hate wearing heels and dresses, you are not exactly going to look comfortable if you try to sport them just to impress others. On the other hand, if you simply cannot leave the house without wearing makeup and getting dressed from head to toe, do not try to tone yourself down unless you really want to — if you are seriously not confident in how you look wearing gym clothes, you probably are not going to look confident. If you dress exactly how you want to, you will make a statement that you are comfortable with yourself and who you are.

4. Do not be afraid to share your passions and likes

If you have an interest that is different of that of many of your peers, you may feel uncomfortable sharing about it in the fear that people will judge you for liking something so “off-the-grid.” However, what is a passion if you do not feel secure about expressing your enjoyment over it? If you spend a lot of time investing in a particular interest, people are going to find out about it anyway, and you will appear much less confident if it seems that you want to hide your beloved passion. Seriously, there is nothing wrong with expressing your love over anime, knitting, or any other interest of yours — wouldn’t the world be boring if we all liked the same things? People want to be friends with people who have unique passions, and if they do not, it is their problem, not yours.

5. Express your emotions freely!

One of the worst things you can do to yourself is try to hide how you are feeling. There is nothing wrong with hysterically laughing over a bad joke, or crying in the middle of the dining hall when you have had a bad day. When you bottle up your emotions, you are not only preventing yourself from feeling how you are really feeling, but you are also preventing others from knowing who you really are. Crying in front of your friends is not weak, it just means there is something that is upsetting you —which every normal human being has experienced — and you are not afraid to let others into your life and know how you are feeling. You are letting others know that you trust them! Oh, and if you are happy, please do not be afraid to flash a gigantic smile! Nothing speaks confidence more than the ability to cope with the world and appreciate what you have.