A lot of people ask me why I don't write regularly for Odyssey anymore and the reason is simple. The article ideas that people provide to us are pretty weak, and the worst part is, they don't appeal to straight males. Well, no more. I am bringing some masculinity back to Odyssey, since no one else wants to make a move. Let's talk about the one thing we can all agree is the worst thing to be invented: cockblockers.
Yes, cockblockers. A frat guy's worst enemy and a sorority girl's best friend. Straight guys deserve a fighting chance against these horrible people, and it's time that we fight back. Some girls say they cockblock for good reasons, I say that reason is as fake as girls complimenting each other on Instagram. Here are the five types of cockblockers and how to stop them.
1. The Platonic Male Friend.
This is the dude that is so friend-zoned he will do whatever it takes to keep his so called "crush" in the same corner as him. The thought of watching over this girl, caring for her, and making sure she doesn't leave with some "jerk" at the bar or club is on his mind. And even worse, he knows how guys think so this could be problematic for you.
How To Handle This Cockblocker:
Grab a couple of your friends and bring this dude with you and go pick up some women yourselves, leaving you alone with the girl. The key word is diversion, as in divert this dude's attention away from the girl.
2. The Gay Best Friend.
The gay best friend is even worse because not only will he know what you're trying to pull, he's gonna call you out at the first possible moment you try to make a move on her. So how do you get him to relax?
How To Handle This Cockblocker:
If you happen to have a girl in the friend group, this when you utilize her. I don't need to say anymore, she'll know what to do. No girl in your group? Get your friends to grab this dude some drinks until he loosens up enough for you to make your move.
3. The Crab In The Bucket.
The worst cockblocker on this list, and we all know at least one in the girl's friends group. She's usually the ugliest girl in the group who never gets attention from any dudes, so she tries everything to get in the middle of the two of you. She might be nice, but the chances are quite slim. Her personality and her looks are worse than any dude shorter than 5'5. This is gonna sound bad, but how do you get rid of this girl?
How To Handle This Cockblocker:
Which ever one of your friends decides to handle this situation, he or she deserves a gold medal. Distract this girl as much as you can. She's gonna make every excuse in the book to get you away from the girl. Some of them include, "I gotta go to the bathroom, come with me"? "Hey, I saw my friend over here, let's go talk to her!" Hey, it's 1130 PM, it's getting kind of late, let's leave?" DO NOT LET THIS GIRL BREAK YOUR CONCENTRATION. DISTRACT HER AT ALL COSTS, WHATEVER IT TAKES.
4. The Hot Mess.
This one is the most comical on the list. She's drunk at 9:30, last call isn't until 2:30. She wants the attention, and she'll do whatever it takes to get it. Maybe she flirts, maybe she doesn't, but damn she is annoying. What do you do?
How To Handle This Cockblocker:
Get this girl some water, and just talk to her for a while and get to know her personally, but make sure it's not you doing this. The second you give this girl any more attention than she needs and you're SOL. Your wingmen prepared for this type of cockblocker and it's their time to step up.
5. The Best Friend.
This person is like the final boss in a video game, get past her, and you're in the clear. She knows this girl inside and out, and she will know whether you're the right choice for her in the first 15 seconds of meeting.
How To Handle This Cockblocker:
DO NOT flirt with the girl right away if the best friend is within range. If you're in scenario five, it's officially a marathon, not a sprint. Include her in as much conversation as you can, you need to make her feel important. You're gonna have to work for it, and it takes a lot of patience, but it will pay off in the end if you pull it off. Or just pull the ultimate power move and flirt with both of them (Proceed with caution if you attempt this).
