This election year has really been something else. With the Republican National Convention in Cleveland this weekend, and the Democratic National Convention coming up in Philly next weekend, I have just one question to ask: is this really the best we have to offer? So I thought, “You know what Neal? This is something that you can totally write about.” So here we are. These are the top 10 things that I trust more than our presumed nominees.
- A boat with a hole in the hull
I would trust the Titanic with a gaping hole on the starboard side to get me from London to New York City before I trusted our Presidential candidates. I mean, some kayaks do have holes in the bottom to prevent the kayak from filling with water. So that means there is at least a chance. But you need to sit back and ask, “Is this more trustworthy, or is this the direction we are going.” Like sands in the hourglass, I am sure we will find out in due time.
- The Cleveland Browns
Oh, the Browns. How often they get my hopes up, only to let me down and break my heart in some memorable fashion. Because once you think that they are making all the right moves, they turn around and you see your “quarterback of the future” out of the league after two years. Partying in Vegas, LA, NYC, at expensive night clubs that I can not even dream of getting into without some sort of mix-up. At least I can always trust the Browns to let me down.
- Pokemon Go Servers
Man. It’s been a little over a week now. Pokémon and Niantic’s stock is probably at an all-time high. Yet we still are limited to servers that I am about 99% positive being powered by a lone hamster on a treadmill somewhere overseas. Or possibly here in America, quite possibly in a suburb of Chicago. As much as I trust I can catch at least one Pidgey or a Rattata, I can’t be sure if I am going to be able to finish my gym battles, or if my Pokeball will even shake once before my screen freezes. This is the epitome of, “First World Problems.”
- Fetty Wap as a Pizza Delivery Man
Imagine ordering a Pizza and waiting for the Pizza Delivery man to do his job and deliver your delicious “Za.” Well you’re going to be waiting awhile if Fetty Wap is delivering it. I’m not even positive if it’s legal for him to be driving in the first place. I know he sings(?) about driving in his i8 and that he has a Glock in his Rari, but I’m partially blind in my right eye and can’t get a CDL. I don’t know for sure if it’s legal for someone with no eyesight out of one peripheral to be behind the wheel of a vehicle.
- A Torn Condom
Yeah. I really do trust this more and don’t think I need to explain why.
