Toontown is a wonderful community and an even better game. It’s exciting, sophisticated, and jam-packed with metaphors, allusions, and intricate plays on words. If it’s a realm you ever want to get acquainted with, there are five things that make your toon a toon worth associating with.
- Don’t be a horse. They don’t even look like horses--it’s confusing and horrible. They resemble more of a disproportionate hand puppets. Anyone who is anyone is not a horse.
- Use a name that makes the other players swoon. It needs just a touch of saucy, but don’t overdo it. The name needs to flow, as it will be framed in the homes of many grateful toons in the future. Ugly Skids McTeeth? Yes, perfect. Sergeant Poe Hulasticks? You’re trying too hard, honey.
- Don’t make your unused gag track (Or, as we science tooners call it, “vestigial talents”) sound. There are seven gag tracks: toonup, trap, lure, sound, throw, squirt, and drop. As a child, I made the grave and disgusting mistake of making my vestigial talent sound. No one will like you if you don’t use sound. Honestly, I would probably have at least 50 friends today if I had chosen something else so long ago.
- Really delve into your toon. Make them well-rounded, intricate, and layered. Give them a unique background. For example, my duck Noisy Rhubarb Frazzlescooter is a man with a dark and mysterious past, unwillingly enlisted in the war against the cogs. Will he overcome his haunting memories and fight for the good of all toons, or has he already lost too much hope in the community that wounded his soul and made his heart so dark? We may never know.
- Most importantly, DO NOT SYMPATHIZE WITH THE COGS. They are all capitalist scum who wish to indoctrinate our happy socialistic-type community. They invade buildings for profit and aim to make toons perpetually joyless. Any toon who endorses the evil actions of cogs is no toon to me. They are traitors and will live in the 9th level of hell for all eternity. They are all the Brutus of toontown.
Now you know how to be a wonderful toon, and an even better agent against the cogs! Have fun out there, and be safe!
