Now not only do I have a bright obnoxious colored car, but I cannot for the life of me drive it safely. I have countless stories about how terrible of a driver I am and anyone that's been in my car can only confirm that. Here are just a few of the things that always happen when you really do suck at driving.
1. Someone in your car is always screaming
Loud noises, expletives, and screaming are things very common to hear coming from both the passenger and driver's side in my little jeep I call Raul. Whether it's because I ran something over, ran into something, am driving too slow, or unintentionally did something illegal someone's always yelling and for good reason. I've been driving for almost 4 years and much to every one of my passenger's dismay, my driving has not improved in the least.
2. You're always lost
Coupled with being probably one of the worst drivers on the planet, I also have the world's worst sense of direction. My GPS name is Pam and not even she can help me. I've been lost for hours by myself and with others and nothing makes a difference. I've been lost for hours even just going down the street or a few miles away from my own house. It doesn't matter how many times I've been somewhere or how long I've lived in the same place.. no matter what my brain only has the capacity to take me to one or two houses without the GPS on.
3. You've been pulled over more times than you can count
You name it, I've been pulled over for it. I've been driving on the wrong side of the road, suspected of stopping to pull out a joint, the usual speeding, almost 10 EZpass violations every single summer. Of course none of it is intentional, it's all just because I really cannot for the life of me drive correctly and safely. I was lost so I ended up on the wrong side of the road, I was lost again so I pulled over in a seemingly sketchy area to turn around, and EZpass violations only occurred because I thought I'd die if I stayed in the correct lane.
4. You've blown out more tires than a car even has
Being a terrible driver also comes with the inevitable and unfortunately frequent accident. I've blown out five tires and amazingly not even on just my own car. One came exploded after hitting the curb, another when I hit a DIFFERENT curb (don't worry that curb came out in front of me it wasn't my fault), a third and fourth when I ran directly into a seemingly invisible tractor-trailer, and a fifth when I was attempting to do a nice deed by taking someone else's car to get fixed. To my astonishment, my mom has only blown out only one tire in her entire life and guess who was there when it happened? That's right, I was.
5. A car honked? No need to look around it was definitely at you
You hear that? It's the sound of someone calling you out for sucking. At this point I'm immune to car horns, honking, and beeping of any sort. I hear it daily and I hear it often. I know it was my fault, but honestly if you didn't see a bright neon green jeep coming your way then I feel like you were at least 50% to blame for whatever just happened. So honk away, it will change nothing I promise.
