Relationships involve a lot of work and compromise, however not all of them are meant to be. About seven months ago I got out of a three year long relationship, but recently I have realized that it was an incredibly unhealthy one. Since my breakup, I have learned a few things that I wish I would have known before.
1. Just because he says he loves you, doesn't mean he actually does.
This was something that was incredibly hard for me to accept. We started dating when we were freshmen in high school, so I was very naive. I thought the words "I love you" were reserved for special people and that they weren't said to just anyone, but this just isn't true. People will say "I love you" even if you just buy them a cheeseburger. My boyfriend was emotionally unattached and treated me like I was nothing to him, but he said he loved me so that made it okay, right? Wrong. If someone actually loves you, then they'll do everything they can to be there for you. Don't let three little words dictate your relationship.
2. It's NOT normal for him to control your life.
It is in no way normal for him to go through your Facebook and make you delete all of the guys he has a problem with, or require you to give him your passwords to all of your accounts. It also isn't normal for your partner to get jealous when you do things without them. You shouldn't be around your partner 24/7, it just isn't practical. It is not normal to feel like he is your parent rather than your boyfriend.
3. Your feelings are valid.
No matter what he says to you or how he reacts, your feelings matter. You are not crazy for telling him you feel unappreciated. Do not listen to him when he tells you you're overreacting or that you're always upset about something. If he continuously does something that he knows will hurt you, he doesn't value your feelings. Someone who cares about your feelings will listen to you when you're upset and try to resolve the issue. You have a conscience for a reason, your partner is wrong if he says that what you feel is crazy.
4. It's not your job to take care of your partner.
You should help your partner if he's struggling in school or if he's sick. You should not be his personal chauffeur or spend all of your money buying random things that he wants. If he constantly asks you to buy him things like DVD's and clothes, he only cares about you for your money. It's okay to buy your partner gifts from time to time, but it is not okay for them to depend on you to buy them something just because they "really really like it." If your partner really wants something, they can get a job. You're not their mom, so don't let them treat you like you are.
5. You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else.
This goes for any relationship. You can't be half of a person looking for someone else to complete you, you have to be a whole person looking for someone who compliments you. If a guy tells you that he'll make you the happiest girl in the world, he's lying. The only person that can do that for you is yourself. I grew up hating myself because of who I was and I depended on another person to reassure me that everything I believed was a lie. Having someone tell you that you're pretty only gives you temporary happiness, it doesn't fix your self esteem issues. You have to realize that no one in the world is perfect, not even photoshopped models. Find something to pour your heart and soul into and it will help heal your wounds.
It takes time, but it feels spectacular once you make a breakthrough.
