These days, it seems mental illness is a thriving topic in the press. People discuss symptoms, where to go for help and prevention tips. As much as we think we talk about mental illness, though, there’s so much more not being said. With a mental illness diagnoses comes a stigma, stemming from years of the media and pop culture making us think it’s just another synonym for crazy. Many young adults don’t want others shunning them so they keep everything about their disease hidden away, even from their closest friends. I personally have dealt with anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder and I know many who have dealt with other illnesses. So here’s what you should know:
1. We’re not cancelling plans because we’re flaky or a bad friend.
I’ve had to cancel or say no to plans with friends on numerous occasions due to my mental illness and they just don’t understand. There are many triggers, ranging from lights to noise, and even certain events or places. Sometimes getting out and doing something is even too much for someone with a mental disorder. Don’t get angry because your BFF cancels on a concert last minute; maybe she thought she could try it but now just the thought of the noise or crowds is causing a panic attack or it's possible your roomie is too depressed to leave the apartment.
2. We’ll hold in all complaints, as if not to burden you.
Many people with depression and anxiety believe that they drain the life out of their friends and family, so they stay away from complaining about even the tiniest problem. We smile to cover up that something is wrong. Sometimes just a little reassurance is needed and if we start to vent, LET US!
3. No, you can’t see my disease. Yes, it is still real.
My biggest pet peeve when it comes to dealing with a mental illness is when someone says, “Well, you can’t see anything different, are you sure you’re sick?” Yes, we are positive. Just check our doctor bills. No, most illnesses like this cannot be seen with the human eye. Mental illness can be just as painful as a physical illness and both can be terrifying to have. Take your friend's word for it, because this kind of negativity won’t help in the least.
4. If you have a question about my disease, please ask me. Don’t just guess the answer.
Now, this is different for each individual. Some people may not be ready or willing to discuss their personal life. But some are and it is okay to ask questions. We’d much rather you get our version of the answer than go to Doctor Google to try and diagnose us.
5. We just need to know you’re there for us.
Your friend is always there for you, why should you not be there in return? He or she (mental illness knows no gender, it can effect anyone) may not want to talk right when you finish this article but someday they might. So always remind your friends that you’re there for them. Not just because they have a mental illness, but because you love and care for them. Support them unconditionally, the same as they would do for you.
Side note: Please don't throw around illnesses like they're a fun thing to have. Depression, anxiety, bulimia, bipolar disorder and the many other mental health problems that people have aren't a joke and they're not something you just say you have for fun. It's hurtful when I hear someone saying they have anxiety when clearly they're just having a bad day. I, along with many others, suffer through my health problems each day and don't think it's cute when they're taken so lightly or even used for humor. So watch what you say and make sure you educate yourself for the sake of anyone you may know who has a mental illness.
A note to those affected by a mental illness: You are never alone. If you are seeking help, visit these resources for more information on doctors, therapists, support groups, and other tips.
“Everything will be OK in the end. If it’s not OK, it’s not the end.” – John Lennon
