The night had settled down and only a handful of people were still lingering around the house after the party. I noticed one of the guys giving two seemingly clueless freshmen advice on relationships. You know, it was one of THOSE relationship talks at 3 o'clock in the morning, and somehow I ended up walking into that room at the perfect time.
“Arielle, don’t you think it’s good for a guy to always have a girlfriend?”
“Definitely not.”
“And why is that?”
“I believe if a guy is still in the process of trying to find himself, figuring out who he is as a person, I do not think he is emotionally or mentally mature enough to take care of a woman the way she deserves.”
As my friend took a second to soak in what I had just said, I received a nod of approval, “Well then. Your maturity on relationships is on a whole other level from the general population.”
Many people seek a significant other just for the sake of companionship; they just can’t handle the idea of being alone. I know many people, men and women alike, who cannot remember the last time they weren’t in a relationship or “talking to someone”. In retrospect, I have lost count of the number of times I have heard people complain with variations of “I don’t know why I’m single….” One thing many people fail to realize is that a person should not define your happiness, and you are only fooling yourself if you think that they should.
Which brings me to 5 reasons why you need to love yourself before you can love someone else:
1. Your relationship with yourself sets the stage for every single relationship with others
I always love when I hear the saying: “You are one in a million”. That means there are about 7,000 people in this world just like you. I strongly believe that each individual is unique — not just one in a million. No one in this entire world is exactly you. No one has the same exact thoughts as you do. No one feels the same exact emotions as you do. No one views the world the same way you do. It is such a mind-blowing thing to realize that we are all truly our own person. Shouldn’t that be more than enough to love and accept who we are as individuals? How much better would our world be if we actually took the time to appreciate and center ourselves? We live in a generation that is so focused on comparing our accomplishments and value to others around us, when that energy should be focused on realizing our own self-worth. You cannot love, appreciate, or respect anyone without having it for yourself first. You cannot truly give anything you aren’t sure you have yourself. Think about that.
2. Once you love yourself, your joy depends on nothing else except you
The beauty of loving who you are means that no one can take that joy away from you. When you learn to love your life and who you are, your joy is not determined by your circumstances, especially by another individual. Once you love yourself, that joy cannot walk out on you. It cannot just pack its things and leave your life forever or come back whenever it feels like it. If you do not come to terms with who you are and accept yourself for all of your flaws, your quirks, the weird habits you do daily, how can you expect another individual to? If you can’t love yourself for every quality that you embody, how do you expect to fully love someone else for their own quirks and flaws? So many individuals feel the need to constantly have companionship. They feel that they cannot truly be happy unless they have someone by their side to remind them of their worth. In order to really find joy, in order to truly be happy, you have to find that happiness within yourself. Take yourself out on a date. Go shopping, watch a movie, go for a walk in the park. Enjoy yourself. Appreciate who you are and love yourself for all of you, even your flaws. You will be amazed at how different the world looks when you do just that.
3. Nothing is more attractive than a person who knows their worth
I cannot emphasize enough how attractive it is when someone knows their self-worth and embraces it. Confidence is such a captivating trait to have, and it is surprising how many people lack that. Confidence is so alluring. It draws people in. A trait I find very appealing in a man is when they clearly do not need a significant other to know their self-worth. Physical confidence is nice and all, but when a person embraces their mental and emotional strength, now that is irresistible. A person who knows their worth won’t let anyone tell them otherwise. They won’t let another person be the determinant of their value.4. Being unapologetically you will draw in the people who deserve your love
Every day, be unapologetically you. Speak your mind. Dance when there’s no music playing. Sing at the top of your lungs when life is just great. If there are people that have a problem with that, then that’s on them. No one has the time for negative vibes in their life because there are people out there who will love you for all of you. There are people who will think your multiple sneezes in a row are cute. There are people will think your subtle lip biting when you’re talking to people is endearing. There are people who will think the way you play with your hair is enticing. Be unapologetically you, and the right people will find their way into your life. They will show you the love that you deserve. No, they don’t have to spoil you every second of the day to prove it, but you will see it in their actions. They will appreciate you. They will uplift you. They will help bring out a better version of you every single day because they love you.
5. You will accept the love you know you deserve (and return the favor as well)
Once you finally learn to love yourself, you will know the love that you deserve and not settle for anything less. Some people call it idealistic thinking, holding onto the idea that there is a great love for us out there like in the movies. However, real love starts from you, and once you find it in yourself to love the person that you are, you can truly share that love with others, whether it is family, friends, or a significant other.
Sometimes, the hardest person for you to love is you. Having a significant other is a great thing to have, and it may seem like everyone around you is in an amazing and committed relationship, but in order to find that great and powerful love, you have to find that love in yourself. Be you. Love you. Everything else will come into place.
