The mystery behind the success rate of arranged marriages?
It’s a lie.
In my opinion, the root of the problem lies behind how loosely the term “success” is defined. If a marriage does not end in divorce, is that all it takes to make it successful?
Imagine a household where a raging drunk father comes home every night to beat up his wife and kids, but they are too afraid to pack up and leave for social pressure and financial instability. At which point while reading the previous sentence did you think you were reading about a successful marriage?
Ever wonder what exactly this ethnocentrism is based on? It is the simple fact that so many marriages in the West end up in a divorce whereas those old-fashioned folks are thriving in a low divorce rate, in other words, the “success” rate of arranged marriages. The same person who is bitching about the advocates for love goes back home to indulge in a routinely abusive quarrel session with his wife where she threatens to leave him on a daily basis.
But doesn’t.
That’s the catch. They never really leave. Why?
Let me start by explaining how an arranged marriage works. It’s when your parents set you up on a blind date, except instead of a blind date, it’s marriage. Therefore, here is a list of the types of glue that hold together an arranged marriage:
1. Your honeymoon period is literally your honeymoon period.
The sunshine and rainbows fade into a never-ending gloom of dark clouds when you start showing your true colors and by the time you realize the compatibility is completely wrong, it’s already a few years too late. You want to escape every single day but you can’t exactly break up because remember a little something called “till death do us part”? Which brings me to my second point
2. Divorce is frowned upon.
As a divorcee, you become a social outcast and a topic of gossip and hushed voices when you’re forced to mingle with relatives. So instead of facing the pitiful eyes of everyone around you, you crumble into social pressure and decide it’s better to be in a toxic marriage hating life every day than being treated like a failure. You eventually learn to master the fake “it’s all working out” smile.
3. Financial problems.
Probably the biggest reason behind staying with, well, putting up with, each other. In a patriarchal society where women are still not being able to work or earn enough to support themselves, they do not exactly have another choice. So staying together means, there needs to be no revaluation of assets, the working member doesn’t have to pay alimony, the unemployed member isn’t afraid of being in a crisis, their kids won’t be traumatized – it’s simply more convenient.
4. The old maid syndrome.
OK, I made that up. But as the fake diagnosis suggests, people are of afraid of ending up alone. How do you meet people in a society where you’re given the stink eye for being the latest gossip? At least this way you have someone to grown old with. Miserable for life > Miserable and lonely for life.
The rare, it is genuinely working out.
Bottom line is, lower rate of divorce does not automatically translate to a successful marriage. Compare these rates with the rates of child marriages and domestically abusive marriages. You’ll get your answer. Therefore, let us not take pride where it’s not justified.
My advice?
Whether it’s love or it’s been arranged,
Some fall through, some prevail
Try and try and give it a real shot,
Effort and compromise is what it’s all about,
True, it takes a lot to reach the matrimony holy grail
But when you see it’s still inevitably doomed to fail
Pull out before it’s too late. (pun intended).
