Feminism is pretty controversial. I don’t know why this is the case – it seems like it shouldn’t be a big deal for people to think women should be treated with the same respect as men. Unfortunately, in a patriarchal society, being a feminist means dealing with a lot of different types of prejudice. Here are a few things that make my life even more difficult, just because I call myself a feminist.
1. Telling people I am a feminist often shuts down the conversation.
It’s almost like a magic spell. You tell people that you are a feminist and they immediately don’t care to talk to you anymore. The feminist movement has historically held a lot of ideas about everything, and when you claim that title for yourself, people automatically align you with every single one of those ideas. And honestly, what is the point of listening to a woman’s point of view if you can just assume her feelings on the issue and move on, right?
No one would know that I actually did read all three Fifty Shades of Grey books and I thought Anastasia Steele was a perfectly good female character (let’s just table this long discussion for another post). No one would know that I actually have a lot of problems with people like Taylor Swift or Iggy Azalea, who use feminism to suit their own needs and disregard the needs of other women who are not as privileged as them. And if you can believe it, this hardcore feminist will not be voting for Hillary Clinton in the primaries. But many people wouldn’t know that, because as soon as I tell them I’m a feminist, they associate me with some of the loudest and most problematic voices that this movement has produced, and they decide that I’m not worth listening to.
2. Feminism tends to ruin all of your favorite things.
This is one that I have had to do a lot of soul-searching with. Especially when I first started learning about feminism and the issues that surround women especially in the media, I found it difficult to enjoy anything. Watching Pitch Perfect would grate on my nerves because of that one scene where Fat Amy slut-shames another female character. I could hardly focus on movies because I was too busy mentally applying the Bechdel Test. And on the rare occasions where I sincerely thought I had found a movie that represented women well, another feminist blogger would write about how it was decidedly problematic because it didn’t represent the struggles of ALL women – just women of a certain category.
It can be really difficult to love books and movies and also be a feminist. However, there is a certain solace that you can take in knowing that just because something is problematic, doesn’t make it inherently unlikeable. I completely enjoy books with two-dimensional female characters sometimes. I love a good RomCom that makes the life of a woman completely centered on the male. Of course I wish more movies and books did better to represent women, but call it a guilty pleasure.
3. It causes a lot of anxiety when meeting new people.
When I meet someone new – especially someone who I might consider dating – I want to tell them upfront that I’m a feminist. I want them to know that saying certain things around me is not okay. And, probably most importantly, I want to know if they also consider themselves a feminist. I don’t want to get emotionally invested in a guy who doesn’t think I deserve to be paid the same amount of money for the same amount of work, or who doesn’t see the problems in objectifying a woman’s body. But this creates a whole new set of problems. There is such a stigma placed on feminists that I often feel like I have to approach the subject cautiously, and after I have proven myself to be a normal human being. Even then, I worry that if the person responds negatively, it will impact our relationship. Not because I expect everyone to think and believe the same way I do, but because I already feel so unsafe about wearing this label that when I expect someone to accept me, it makes it that much worse when they don’t.
4. The Internet becomes a scary and often dangerous place to exist.
Being a feminist is enough of an uphill battle already, but that is exacerbated tenfold when on the Internet. Women far more courageous than me have devoted their lives to spreading a feminist message and have continued to do so, despite verbal abuse and death threats. Anita Sarkeesian is a prime example of a woman who is often viewed as a “radical,” despite being completely fair to all sides of an issue and only using feminism to inform, not to tear down. Many women have been driven off the Internet entirely due to the never-ending harassment they endured simply for voicing their opinions.
Even by commenting on a picture or sharing an article, I am often on the receiving end for negative and often very hurtful comments. Normally, this doesn’t bother me too much. However, I can only imagine what it might do to someone who receives these comments on a larger scale. I can’t even begin to imagine how these comments affect someone when they are violent and vicious by nature.
5. Being a feminist is hard work.
The feminist movement is huge, and it has (finally) started accepting ideas about intersectionality. Being a feminist means learning about its history, its present, and its future. Being a feminist means really thinking critically about things, and questioning the reasons you feel a certain way towards anything. Being a feminist can be exhausting, frustrating, and emotionally taxing. But despite all of these things, being a feminist can open your mind more than you ever thought possible. It’s hard work, but it’s rewarding work. And being a feminist is like opening your arms to freedom. After I became a feminist, I was able to love myself more, respect other women more, and truly begin to experience the world in a better way.
The fact of the matter is that in order to wear the label of “feminist,” you have to overcome a lot. You might get frustrated, and you might even lose a few “friends.” But being a feminist is important, and it makes life better for you and the women (and men) around you.
