Drug stores are putting out their Halloween candy and decorations, clothing departments are putting out winter coats and sweaters. Starbucks is advertising their seasonal drinks menu. It’s that time of year where everyone is getting way too far ahead of themselves.
Everyone planning their pumpkin patch trips and ordering their pumpkin spice needs to hit the brakes. Why? Let’s start with the obvious.
#1 September JUST started.
The summer season doesn’t officially end until the 22nd of September. That is almost a full month of swimming and sun tanning left. There is no reason to rush through the last three weeks of the best season of the calendar year.
#2 Halloween is in OCTOBER
Don’t get me wrong, I love Halloween. It’s one of my absolute favorite holidays. But, I don’t see the logic behind stocking decorations and candy at the end of August. First, the candy on the shelves now won’t be as fresh as the candy stocked the week before the actual holiday. Second, decorations sold this early in the season aren’t high quality. They’re the leftovers from last year’s Halloween season that nobody wanted. Third, why are you choosing your costume now? You’re going to change your mind at least twenty times before settling on something. It’s more of a headache than productive.
#3 Pumpkin Spice is OVERRATED
The worst thing about the upcoming fall season is the Pumpkin Spice apocalypse that takes over everything. Trying to grab a coffee before work? Don’t bother. You’re going to be halted by a wave of teenage girls in Columbias and Ugg boots getting their daily dose of pumpkin spice to survive through their day of taking selfies with said pumpkin spice. #FallThings. Take a trip to Walmart or Target. There are multiple aisles dedicated specifically to Pumpkin Spice. Poptarts, oatmeal, cereals, cake and muffin mixes, coffee, creamers. Basically anything you have ever eaten with a pumpkin twist. Would you like to make pumpkin spice cupcakes with pumpkin frosting and cup of pumpkin spice flavored coffee with pumpkin spice creamer in it? No thank you.
#4 Ugg Boots aren’t FUNCTIONAL
The popular brand of boots that is popular among the teenage girl demographic is completely and utterly useless. The function of boots is to keep your feet warm and dry in the snow. The last time I checked, it doesn’t snow in September and October. Sometimes it doesn’t even snow in November. Even if it were to snow during those months, you’re screwed if you’re wearing Uggs. In the snow, Ugg boots will keep your feet dry just about as well as flip flops would. That’s right, not at all.
#5 The cold isn’t FUN
The thing that puzzles me the most is why people like when the weather starts getting cold again. In the summer, there is no restricting sweaters or pants to be seen and your limbs have the freedom to actually move. When the weather starts cooling off, you start to layer hoodies and jeans and scarves. There is too much piling on top of each other and you start to look like Ralphie’s brother in “A Christmas Story.” Then, after piling on all those clothes, you have to walk somewhere and you start to sweat because you’re wearing so many articles of clothing and you need to strip down when you get to your destination before you pass out from heat exhaustion.
The hype for the fall season is way to overblown and for summer lovers like myself, the excitement can’t be matched. Fall lovers, please, put the skeletons and pumpkins down and let us summer lovers enjoy the few weeks of freedom we have left.
