As the 2016 Presidential election begins to heat up, our top candidates will need to seek innovative and “fresh” ways to keep the very divided age demographics of their voters interested and entertained in their campaigns. This is my advice to you, Donald Trump. Lose that mangy beast of straw colored, floppy, failed attempt at an old man comb-over and move onto a more fashionable and in this century hairstyle. Yes, Donald Trump, here are five reasons why you should boast non-other than the man bun. Also known as bro bun, hipster- bun or mun.
1.You would become an overnight heart throb in the lady department.
Let’s be honest Trump, your women voters aren’t too happy in regards to some of your kind words said at different presidential debates to Carly Fiorina and Megyn Kelly. But what women in their right mind can’t resist a glorious man bun perched upon a resilient man’s head. Show you the facts you ask? Well here goes, according to WhatsYourPrice.com, (a very credible website, I’m sure) 76 percent of women are digging the man bun hairstyle. So what better way to target your feminine demographic then giving the women voters what they want. And let’s be honest, I’m sure even Rosie O’Donnell couldn’t resist an alluring and sultry bro bun.
2.You would gain an even larger social media following.
I know right, you’re probably thinking how much more attention could I possibly gain? You fill up every news tabloid and social media platform. But for real, your Instagram account would blow up with followers of all kinds. Many famous man bun accounts have over a million followers. All they have to do is post the occasional shirtless pic complete with them adorning a messy curly haired man bun and they get 50,000 plus likes. Mr. Trump, no publicity is bad publicity am I right, although maybe stray away from the shirtless pics….
3. Possibly could become a huge actor in some Indy movie.
You would gain the credibility and sex appeal of some of the highest paid actors like Bradley Cooper and Leonardo Dicaprio, what made them so popular you ask? Obviously their greasy, slicked back, straight up sexy hairstyles. And what better way to publicize yourself than staring in some underfunded movie that people will be waiting to be released on dvd? Let’s be honest, they never go to the theaters for those. The movie will be complete with romantic hand holding and unexpected rain scenes where you might have to take your man bun down momentarily for a quick glide of your fingers through your silky smooth old man tresses. Don’t forget there may be a wet t-shirt involved and a little sultry gazing at your beloved self in the mirror.
4. Young voters would automatically deem you “cool” and “hip”
This is solely because you are simply adopting one of the millenniums most popular hipster trends. Therefore, we will mistakenly take this as you caring and trying to understand our generation. If you decided to add a bristly, coarse beard we’d probably like you even more; the homeless look attracts positive attention. Even when you lie about decreasing our college loans or making promises about how we’ll have social security when we are 80, we will believe you because we trust you. We made the man bun popular, and when you rock it we will 100 percent support you even if you have to go through that awkward hair length phase where it’s not too short but not long enough.
5. Lastly, the man bun will once again iterate that you are a man of power, wealth and sensitivity.
It will only tell voters what you have been trying to tell us for months and months...that you are a businessman, and apparently that that is what our country needs in order for us to be top dog again. We will believe and base our opinions on the factual stereotypes that only powerful or emotional and attractive men wear man buns and therefore that kind of man will portray these qualities in a leader that this country so desperately needs. Just like with the Kennedy Presidency, the looks and social class of our leaders may sway our opinions, but their policies are important, too.
Growing long enough hair to show off a man bun will only prove to voters that you are dedicated and a hard worker. So please, Mr. Trump, lose those frumpy, flappy, bird-tail locks and opt for a pony bun, low bun or top knot. You might just find yourself in the home stretch to your familiar life of luxury, in the Oval Office yelling “You’re Fired” at U.S. government officers.
Sincerely, an impartial U.S. Voter
