Looking at women, they are beautiful, majestic and lovely creatures. Approaching them is a completely different story due to their differences in opinions, reactions, and lifestyle choices. In other words, you never really know what you’re going to get when you muster up the courage to talk to one. So soldier, before you suit up and walk into battle, know there are certain things you shouldn't ask. A specific few questions that you may think are harmless, but are actually the start of World War III in a woman’s mind. I’m no relationship expert, but I have been a female for the past 21 years and I proudly speak on behalf of them all right now. Whether these questions provoke anger, insecurity, or blatant irritation, you are always going to lose upon asking them.
Here are five questions you should definitely avoid asking a woman if you value your mortal well-being.
1. Are you tired?
Whether she’s tired or not, the only thing she just heard come out of your mouth is “wow you look like $hit today”. Not everybody rolls out of bed looking as good in their 20’s as Jennifer Aniston does in her 40’s, okay? Maybe she was late, and didn’t have time for make-up this morning, or maybe she was up all night studying and has darker circles than your judgmental soul under her eyes. Do you have to be so blunt?
2. Are you PMS’ing?
Do you have a death wish? This is the mother of all insulting questions you could ask a woman. Not only is this question rude, it is the start of 80% of fights between women and men. No, she’s not irrational; you are just infuriating. No, she’s not irritable; your existence is just annoying. Do not chalk up everything you do on her menstruating, sometimes you’re at fault. And to answer your question, she probably is. If I were you, I'd give her some chocolate and hope she stops crying over the puppy commercial soon.
3. Are you going to wear that?
No, she’s just trying it on for fun? Yes, she’s wearing THAT and WHAT is wrong with it? Clearly she is fashionable 99.9% of the time and can definitely do without your judgment on the rare occasion that you see her in what falls into the .01% of the time. Give her a break, homie. She didn’t say anything insulting when you showed up to dinner in your basketball shorts last week
4. How tall are you?
Five foot eff off. If you are above 5’5 you are looked at, as “Lurch” and if you are below 5’5 you are classified as a 6-year-old. And if you are 5’5 congratulations, you’re every guys dream and all other women hate you. Height is an insecurity that cannot be changed, so keep the height comments to a minimum.
5. Are you going to eat all that?
Say a prayer. Say a prayer right now for you, your well-being and your prized Notre Dame jersey autographed by Brady Quinn, himself. You might as well have just said “that’s going straight to your thighs” or, “did you turn into a human food vacuum over night?” Now you’re going to have to deal with not only some potential water-works in public, but also unintentional insecurity you’ve just caused for the next few weeks.
We are forgiving creatures and we understand that you may make mistakes from time to time. However, if you utter any of these questions, you will realize your error immediately and will most likely apologize within moments of conviction.
You have been warned.
