My whole life, I'd always known that I was somewhat of a pushover, but it never really hit me until the end of my freshman year in college. Sure, I stand for my beliefs and will always hold on to the things that mean the most to me. However, when it comes to so many things in life, I am a person who naturally bends for all those around me. There are a few positive things about living as a pushover. It shows that you are selfless, put other people first, and care deeply for those around you. But as I looked more deeply into it all, I realized that there is more harm than good associated with the unhealthy pushover lifestyle. Being a pushover is often associated with weakness, and I have to say that I agree. As I have worked to the best of my ability, striving to defy the pushover stereotype within me, here are five major problems I have found with being a pushover:
1. Being a pushover leads to the inability to make your own decisions.
Being a pushover is harmful because it means that you tend to allow others to think for you. A classic example of this is being with a group of friends, trying to figure out where you should all eat dinner. A pushover, in this situation, is always the silent one, or my personal favorite, the “I don’t care” person. In reality, the pushover knows exactly what they want but doesn't want to make anyone else in the group unhappy with the restaurant selection. Speaking up is a necessary part of life that teaches you to be assertive. The pushover lifestyle keeps you from learning those skills that will be beneficial to you.
2. Being a pushover makes it difficult to recognize true friends.
Pushovers are often followed by people who want what I like to call a “convenience friend.” A convenience friend is someone who's always there for those around them and is willing to drop everything for a friend in need. Pushovers are often taken advantage of because of their willingness to make sure everyone around them is happy, and this can be harmful, because real friends can be difficult to distinguish. (Hint: People who only call you when they're in need are not your real friends.)
3. Being a pushover disables you to deal with conflict.
Being a pushover means that you're sensitive. You simply want everything and everyone to be at peace, and you feel the need to make sure everyone around you is content with life. This is harmful because that is, sadly, an impossible task. Conflict is a part of life for everyone and cannot be avoided. Pushovers try to beat around the bush, avoiding any tension that may arise. This is harmful because conflict is an unavoidable part of life that everyone has to learn to deal with in order to maintain healthy relationships.
4. Being a pushover leads to an inability to handle criticism.
Being a pushover means that you take things too personally, whether you intend to or not. Words mean so much to you, and so do the opinions of other people. Because those things mean so much to you, criticism doesn't settle well with you. Even if you understand what you're being told and know without a doubt that the person speaking to you has good intentions, it's difficult not to feel some kind of negative emotion like disappointment, sadness, or even anger. This keeps you from learning efficiently. Sure, you remember what people tell you, but you often do not take it seriously, which can harm you in the end. It keeps you from growing and learning lessons that will benefit you in the long term.
5. Being a pushover causes a lack of self-respect.
Being a pushover causes you to overlook your own wants and needs so that everyone else can be happy. This can be a kind and noble thing to do, and everyone should do this from time to time; however, it's unhealthy to be in the constant habit of doing so. Constantly throwing yourself under the bus so others can be happy leads to dwindling self-respect, whether you realize it or not. At times, it's completely appropriate to tell people what you what and go after it. At times, it's good to let yourself have what you want (within reason, obviously). At times, being selfish is the right thing and the best thing you can do for yourself.
Being a pushover is an easy trap to fall into because it makes you a more likable person. While it sounds great, the cost outweighs the benefits. You will gain more from learning to have a backbone, telling people what you want, and making yourself more comfortable with criticism and conflict. This is definitely not an issue in which it's okay to take the "easy way out."
