"First love."
Those words probably conjure up some powerful memories for most people. So do “first heartbreak.” Recently I experienced that for myself. That experience, painful as it was, has taught me a lot. I hope these lessons can encourage someone else with a similar experience.
1. Be obedient.
When I was questioning whether or not to end the relationship, I prayed for God to give me answers. I was hurting and didn't know what to do. I soon realized I knew what God wanted me to do, but I was resisting obedience because I didn't like the answer. Once I trusted God and ended the relationship, yes there was incredible pain, but there was also unexpected blessings. And if you don't believe in God, then be obedient to your conscience.
2. Emotions come in waves.
I could be totally fine and content one day and the next be furious, or mournful, or lonely. My feelings came at unexpected times and in unexpected waves. But I learned to expect the craziness and deal with my emotions in a healthy way (most of the time).
3. I am not responsible for anyone else.
I cannot stress this enough. I am not responsible for anyone else's happiness and neither are you. For so long I felt so guilty for hurting someone I loved, but I now realize that a person should never feel guilty for making a decision in the best interest of themselves and others as long as they acted on that decision in as mature, kind, and respectful way as possible. Once they have done that, their responsibility is gone, and they should not feel responsible for the feelings of another.
4. Support systems are everything.
My family and friends held me together when I completely fell apart. They gave advice, held me, distracted me, wiped my tears, listened to me, prayed for me and gave me my favorite foods. I hope everyone out there has a support system of loved ones, whether they are friends or family or mentors. Find at least one or two people that have your back no matter what.
5. Let the past go.
This one was probably the hardest for me. I wanted to cling to my past so strongly. I wanted to hold onto the good and the bad and the love and the hurt. But dwelling in the past can hold us back from living in the present and looking towards the future. So my suggestion for letting go would be first, forgive. Don't hold any bitterness in your heart. Give the past to God. Put the mementos in a box or get rid of them, spend time finding yourself. Breathe. And LET GO of the past.
This journey of moving on is far from over. I am sure that there is still a lot of learning and growing in my future. I write this in part as a reminder to myself, to help myself heal and in part so that anyone experiencing a breakup might learn from my experiences and avoid mistakes that I have made.
