Growing up I always wondered what would be my coming-of-age moment. I wished it would be some happy moment like getting the Bad Boy to fall in love with me, having someone stand outside my window holding a radio or realizing who my real friends are. I wanted my moment to look like a scene from a John Hughes movie but growing up can't be scripted.
My coming-of-age moment came when I realized some very important lessons about love. It is impossible to live a fulfilling life without feeling loved or experiencing love at some point, so when it comes to loving or being in love, there are some really vital things to remember.
Love shouldn't be a compromise of who you are and who your partner wants you to be.
Many people believe that in time they can mold their partner to be the man or woman they want them to be, but that's not how love should be. If you cannot love someone how they are, they are not the one for you. People are not projects. They may be broken and have their own set of faults, but if you can't meet someone where they are, during a specific time in their lives, then you shouldn't be trying to be in love with them.
Just because someone says they love you or care about you, doesn't mean that they love you on the same level that you love them.
You can be completely head over heels with someone, but that doesn't mean that they are head over heels for you. People fall in love at their own pace so it can't be expected that someone is also head over heels for you because you are for them. The sad truth is, it's possible that they'll never be as in love with you as you are with them; and even though it hurts like hell, they are entitled to that. People don't have to love you back, just like people can decide at any time to stop loving you.
Don't let the relationships of others make you feel like your relationship is missing something.
The dynamic that other people have with their partners doesn't have to be similar to yours. Just because you see someone else's partner doing things that your partner does not, it doesn't mean that they don't love you to the best of their ability. Understanding the capacity in which an individual is able to love is very important but often times people forget that. Just like people have a comfort zone with their social skills, people have a comfort zone with how willing they are to love someone. If you can't wait for someone to decide to exceed their comfort zone, or if you can't accept the pace they allow themselves to move you are setting yourself up for failure and heartbreak.
Love cannot be forced.
You cannot force someone into being the one for you. Some people who enter your life to teach you a specific lesson, and sometimes the hopeless romantic in us makes us forget that the person we are in love with may be someone only meant for a season. If we do not realize this, we end up settling for a forever or an extended relationship with someone we were never meant to know for that long. Know when to let love go.
The way you love yourself sets the tone for how you allow people to love and treat you.
Most people don't realize how visible it is to others when you don't completely love yourself, but it is very obvious. If you cannot love yourself, you end up going through a series of bad relationships where you may have been mistreated or taken for granted. It can harm your self-esteem, your belief in how worthy of love you are, your outlook on love and your happiness. If you learn to love yourself before you allow others to love you, maybe my lesson five can be your lesson one. Remember that you set the bar for how you deserved to be loved.
