Whether you want it to happen or not, there are some foods out there that are just bound to make you toot your own horn -- loudly and proudly! And with great power comes great responsibility; knowing how to control your gas passing power is vital to fully integrating into a human society. With this lovely little listicle, I will help you understand and use the five most powerful fartin' foods that I know of (and have personally experienced). With this knowledge, you can disarm your enemies, get out of an uncomfortable situation, or even avoid stomach pain and embarrassment. So without further a doo-doo, I present to you the top five foods guaranteed to make you flatulate (ranked from least to most potent)!
1. Radishes
A little bit spicy and a lot a bit crunchy, radishes are a fun to eat farting food! The radish farts will hit you a while after consumption, so you may not even realize the little red bulbs are the cause of your wind breaking. With radishes, your toots might be frequent, but mild. Perfect for a farter's starter pack!
2. Fiber Cereal
Any kind of cereal with those little fiber sticks and oat bits and such are a surefire sign that there is about to be fire in the hole! Clear your colon and clear the room with your fiber farts when you eat this cereal! You will be more regular than Jamie Lee Curtis!
3. Beans/Chili
"Beans beans the magical fruit, the more you eat, the more you toot!" Beans have been around since probably the dawn of time, so it's a no-brainer that you'll let it rip after you tear through a can of beans! It's practically basic human instinct to expect some major toots after consuming any dish containing beans, so no surprise here!
4. A Large Amount of Cheesy Potatoes
Large quantities of anything delicious or greasy will most likely transform your body into a noisy gas engine; but for some reason, a lot of cheesy potatoes will really do it for ya. This recipe will be calling for you to cut the cheese all night and will give others a whole new reason to fear carbs!
5. Black Bean Pasta from Trader Joe's
If you are worried about being able to stay awake to study, need a stink bomb, or need to fill in for a tuba in a band, then eat a heaping plate of this black bean pasta! It tastes amazing, is a lot of kinds of organic, and will give you the worst (or best, if you're into that) farts of your life that will go continuously for 24 hours straight or more. No joke - this pasta is a force to be rectum with. Maybe it's the beans or maybe it's the lack of GMO's, but this pasta will make your butt cheeks wonder what they did to deserve this.
Ultimately, there are so many fart foods out there to be explored! Most of these foods are healthy too, which is no surprise since everyone knows healthy people fart a lot. So let your cannons loose and find which foods fuel your engine! Happy farting everyone!
