A few years ago, I deleted my Facebook account. It was full of embarrassing pictures and statuses that I no longer wanted to be associated with. I had a long list of "friends" that I didn't know very well or didn't care about. I had all of these typical Facebook friends I describe here. I decided to create a new account, and my new rule was "only add a friend on Facebook if you would say hello to them in public." And even with that rule, even though my Facebook is now filled with people I love and would say hi to in public (when you're an introvert like me, that's saying something), I still have all of these friends. Read on and see if you do too.
(I made this list with love and a light-heart, don't take it too seriously)
1)The Over-sharer
This person’s posts will have you wondering, why did you feel the need to share that? Either because it’s really boring or really personal. Either way, you know way too much about this person. So much that when you see him or her in real life, there’s not much to ask about… although even if you don’t ask, the over-sharer will probably tell you anyways.
Sample post:
Pretty good day. I wore my green sweater that I got on sale at Macy’s three years ago. Just got home from work and making tacos for dinner!
…. Sure hope that they don’t backfire on me like last time when I was in the bathroom all night throwing up and having brutal diarrhea due to food poisoning. My sister is way better at making tacos. Unfortunately due to the stress from her nasty divorce and custody battle, she can’t make it to Taco Tuesday. Maybe I’ll just call the hot new guy at work to join me instead! His name is Steve and y’all he is FINE! I know it sounds crazy, but I really think he could be the one <333 Okay guys I’m calling him. LIKE to wish me luck!
2)The Paranoid Poster
This person is still not too sure about Facebook’s security. She probably has her middle name listed as her last name, and a picture of her pet as her profile picture. She’s notorious for re-posting those messages about not allowing Facebook to have access to her page, SHE has the rights to it damnit! She feels like Facebook is “watching” her, so she re-posts those pictures that equate one like to one prayer or one hug (and she knows who will hug her and who will not, so yeah, there’s that). This person is also prone to re-posting inspirational quotes with pictures of minions.
Sample post:
ATTENTION: Hold on to your butts folks, there has been a change in Facebook’s privacy policy.It was on the news, so it’s definitely happening. Deadline is TODAY. Make sure to switch your privacy settings from Apocalypse to No Apocalypse. I, the owner of this Facebook page, do NOT grant Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook, Hillary Clinton, Donald Trump, Kermit the Frog, Britney Spears, The Pope, Rachael Ray, Michael Jordan, Fa Mulan, Ms. Pac Man, or any of their affiliates ownership of my page or permission to view my page. Do not use the pictures I post of my dinner or my cat – this applies to past, present and future posts. It is forbidden to disclose any information found on this PRIVATE profile, so if you do it, I’m going to be really mad. Everyone must re-post this message AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO NOT SHARE, COPY AND MOTHERFUSHFKDSIF PASTE
3)The Lurker
That one person who has a Facebook but never posts anything, just logs on and reads, collecting information, occasionally liking a picture you posted in 2009.Sometimes we forget that we’re friends with a Lurker, until you’re talking to him in person and he brings up your aunt’s funny comment on that status you posted in December… and it’s July. *dun dun dun*
Sample post:
Not Applicable
This is the first part of a two part article. The second part can be found here.
