Step moms usually get asked the same questions or get hit with the same insults as soon as they bring up the fact they are NOT the mom. Quite honestly it is rude and we get sick of the same thing. So here are five things to stop saying to step moms. Just celebrate her and who she is without the rest of it.
1. “It's great to see you loving them like your own!"
Followed by, "They aren't your kids, you really can't mean anything to them compared to their mom." Well what is it you really want us to do? Do you want us to be involved or just be a glorified babysitter? Do you want us to be a part of this family or not? We know we didn't give birth, there's no denying that. By the way step fathers never get the reminder that the kids aren't theirs, just all of the praise. We would appreciate the praise on its own as well. It's hard stepping in and trying to find a place in which you have duties but you are not allowed to truly acknowledge them.
2. “You knew what you were getting yourself into!'
I'm going to go ahead and assume that you don't think this phrase through when you say it to a bonus mom. Some situations you can never prepare for when you fall in love with someone with kids. You can never accurately guess that one day you may get along, or you may not, or one day they may just leave the picture completely. It's kind of like heading into high school when you thought you knew what was going to happen, but you walked out of high school with completely different people then you walked in with and you just look and go, "What just happened?" But continue on, tell me more about how you always know how things will work out exactly.
3. "If you go for full custody that's just insane, that is their mom you know!"
Again, nobody has forgotten that. Do you realize the amount of trouble it takes to even think about going for custody? Let alone to actually go and file? Nobody does that because it's fun or out of spite. Something has to be wrong for anything like that to happen. Everyone is just trying to do what they believe to be best, it has everything to do with the children, nothing to do with the ex.
4. "Why and when did they divorce? When did you meet?"
You do realize that not all second wives are home wreckers, right? Not to mention it's not my business to put out their business, no matter what happened between them. Now if you ask me about our love story, I'll be more than happy to tell you all about it. Nobody ever wants to go through their significant others past relationship history every single time someone finds out they were previously married. It is uncomfortable and irritating. We get reminded enough as you can tell, we just want our life to be our life now. That's not to be in denial about it, just trying to move on and be happy here.
5. "I liked his first wife more, this one has an attitude problem."
This more comes from families. If you are going to keep comparing the ex-wife and the wife, note there's a reason there's an ex-wife. The 'ex' before wife should be self explanatory, but in case you didn't pick up on that, exes are exes for a reason. I am the wife for a reason, if you would stop comparing us then you would pick up on that and possibly even grow to like me and who I am, as he did. I do not expect you to adore every part of me, but I do expect to be given a chance. It's not easy on this side as it is, let alone to have to fight to be better then someone who isn't even around anymore.