Whether your parents got divorced twenty years ago, or twenty days ago, every child of divorce goes through the same thing. Sometimes, we know it was coming and accepted it. Other times, it came as a complete shock and we're still trying to adjust. But no matter what, it's for the best and even though we know that we still have some struggles that we all go through.
1. Forgetting everything everywhere
Going between two houses all the time can get really confusing, really fast. When you go from one place to another, things are constantly being miss placed. Is that shirt at moms? Or is it at dads? Or is it in the car because you forgot to bring all your laundry in from the time you switched houses? And you can bet that as soon as you go to the house you think your missing item is, you remember that it's sitting on the kitchen counter at the house you were originally at. It's a never ending cycle of "find the missing shirt/pants/hat/bra/shoes/makeup/hair straightener".
2. Never remembering what house you're at on which day
When your friend asks "Hey want to sleep over tomorrow" and you respond with "ya sure! let me ask my mom." Then you go and ask her and get the "you aren't at my house. Ask your dad" response. Or, when your friend actually does come over and they go to the wrong house because they thought you were at your dad's when you're really at your mom's.
Maybe you're one of the "lucky" ones that have a set schedule every month like going over to dad's for dinner every Wednesday and then sleeping at his house every other weekend. Or, maybe your family is like my family, where whenever one parent out of town, then you're at the other parents. But if their schedule changes every month like mine does, then you’re SOL.
3. Being a carrier pigeon
This is a big one. It doesn’t happen to my brother and I as much now because we’re older, but it used to. Occasionally, thing’s get mixed up in communication and one parent misses a detail so the kid is forced to tell the other parent what happened or something to that extent. Sometimes, unless there is an emergency, the parents refuse to speak to one another so the kids are put in charge of making sure one parent knows the other parent's schedule or what is happening that week. This shouldn’t be the case no matter how old the child/children are. Parents are parents. They’re the adults and should communicate to each other on what is happening in their lives when it’s regarding their kid(s).
4. Growing up fast
Personally, my parents separated when I was going into eighth grade and the divorce was finalized my freshman year, so I was pretty grown up already. However, at the same time, I was only a freshman and was only 14. Kids of divorce have to grow up quickly. They have to figure out how to keep both parents happy while keeping themselves happy. It's a constant battle to make sure everyone is doing okay and that everything that needs to get done, gets done.
5. Learning to accept it
Maybe both parents were unhappy, maybe it was just one. Maybe it was the constant arguing that finalized it or maybe it was the constant lack of communication between them. But honestly, it's for the best. Yes, your family will never be quite the same as it was before, and that's okay. As soon as everyone comes to terms with it, things will get better.
Kids of divorce are different than kids with parents who have been together for a long time. It's just a fact. We have to grow up faster, constantly make sure we have all of our belongings when we leave each house, and so many different things. It's tough not to want to let go of the family you once had, but once you do and accept it, life gets a whole lot easier (hopefully).
