4 Ways Millennials Can Prevent An Untimely Demise

4 Ways Millennials Can Prevent An Untimely Demise

Reading this article will add at least 10 years to your life expectancy, which cancels out smoking so you don't have to quit!

Being alive is hazardous. In every passing moment, you're surrounded by a host of calamities ready to fling you from this mortal coil and fall arse first into Charon's cramped and crowded canoe.

Whether you're going sky-diving for a lark or attempting to swallow a pea that's become lodged in your poorly designed throat, you'll need all the help you can get if you want to make it to an age where people won't say, "he was too young," when you inevitably die.

4. Wear protective gear at all times.

Contact with the physical world is the number one killer of all living things. Yeah, I know, I sound like your mum when you try to go skateboarding with your cool friends who despise safety gear, but I'm 100% for real, yo.

These are my pajamas.

Start off with knee-pads, elbow-pads, and a helmet. They can protect you from stuff like bird shit, which is known to harvest seriously dangerous bacteria, as well as incoming projectiles or falling over drunk in the street.

3. Always carry disposable rubber gloves and sanitizer.

Think of the amount of objects you touch in a day. Then think of the amount of other people who also touch those objects. It's a high number, right?

Do you trust those people to not have deadly illnesses, like tuberculosis or the mumps? You've never even met them. How do you know they're not running around trying to infect everybody with their ill health, fueled by jealousy of your good health.

"Those dirty hand-rails won't get me. Not like my wife."

With a bottle of sanitizer, you can disinfect the high-risk door handles of night-club toilets and make the rave safer for everybody, including yourself.

Alternatively, you can wear disposable rubber gloves to avoid making skin contact with anything ever again.

2. Research medical science.

There is a small percentage of our society who dedicate their short lives to extending the lives of others through the modern wizardry known as science. Whether it is the genuine desire to help people not die, or the seductive wage packet and honorable milieu, these are the chosen few who actively seek out the rules of death and develop ways to prolong his visit.

With steel, snakes and brute strength.

If you were to become a useful part of the medical science community, then it would suggest that you also had a substantial amount of medical knowledge.

This medical knowledge could be just what you need to tick over a few extra years and avoid jumping the gun on kicking the bucket.

1. Go with your gut instinct.

It so happens that all people throughout history who have claimed to know ways to stay healthy and live for a long time have eventually died like everyone else. Many too young for that matter. So who's advice do you trust when you're looking for a few extra years crawling warily through this booby-trapped existence?

Your own. Nobody's done it right so far, so who's to say you're wrong? Do you think Keith Richards followed mainstream methods of life-extension? No! And he's perfectly fine.

Well, he's alive.

Now that you've done a little research into life elongation tactics, you must be feeling a little better knowing that you can press the snooze button on your inevitable death.

Did these tactics work for you? Have some suggestions of your own? Tell me I'm a complete buffoon in the comments below!

Cover Image Credit: blackhairstyleshq

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An Open Letter To The Judgmental People In My Hometown

Imperfections are what gives a diamond its value.

Dear judgemental, simple minded people from my hometown,

I am sorry that I have never met your level of perfection.

Coming from a small town, everyone settles to the norm of the people around them. Unlike you all, I have always been a little bit different.

I've never understood why everyone always seems to feel the need to talk down to the next person. People love to gossip about a situation as long as the situation has nothing to do with them. For every move I made, someone was always there to bring out the negativity in the situation. You all are always sweeping around somebody else's doorstep when I know your doorstep is not clean. Maybe it is time to buy a new broom. I know that I cannot please everybody and that I will also not be liked by everybody. However, I deserve respect just as the next person.

SEE ALSO: Forgiving Someone Who Didn't Ask For It

I hope for the sake of the future generations of our small town, you all can learn to be more accepting to change.

I hope that no one judges your children like some of you all have judged me. I hope that the people that you love and care about are welcomed and accepted for who they are.

If we put as much time into being better people or helping others like you put into judging others, the world would be a much better place.

Imperfections are what gives a diamond its value. Pebbles are perfectly round. I'd much rather be a diamond, one in a million, than a pebble that fits in.


The one whose every move you criticize

Cover Image Credit: Haley Williamson

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Unless You Want Your Immune System To Be A Total Brat, You Should Probably Get Vaccinated

When it comes to vaccinating children, I support vaccines.


When it comes to vaccines, there is a broad range of opinions. Some people believe vaccines are bad and chose not to vaccinate their children. Then there are the people like me who believe vaccines are good. By all means, you are entitled to your own opinion and I'm sure my views won't persuade you, but there's so much more to think about when it comes to vaccines.

Majority of the vaccines we have received have the live virus in them. I'm almost positive you don't know why. Once the live virus enters the body, it teaches the immune system how to detect it and develop an immunity. For example, the chickenpox vaccine has a live virus. I received that vaccine when I was a baby and received a booster in the years after. Guess what I NEVER got? Chickenpox. Same goes for MMR (measles, mumps, rubella)

When it comes to vaccinating children, I support vaccines. A baby's immune system is not as strong as an adult. They are much more susceptible to different pathogens. Especially while in a public place. Children tend to put things in their mouths that could be covered in germs.

Did you know that vaccines are the reason why smallpox is not around anymore? Because of the vaccine, the United States has been free of polio since the 1970s. Before vaccines, smallpox was responsible for the deaths of 300 million people worldwide. Now, smallpox has been eradicated worldwide.

Polio caused severe paralysis to many people in the years of President Franklin Delano Roosevelt. Polio was so contagious that public places were shutting down. Then, Jonas Salk made the polio vaccine. Polio is now on the path to eradication... thanks to the vaccine.

Polio and smallpox vaccines are examples of inactive vaccines. This means there's no live virus in them.

By not vaccinating, you are putting yourself and others around you at risk.

I understand you have your reasons on why you choose not to vaccinate. I have my reasons why I do. If you still choose not to, I'm not going to judge you. That's your choice.

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