4 Ways Millennials Can Prevent An Untimely Demise

4 Ways Millennials Can Prevent An Untimely Demise

Reading this article will add at least 10 years to your life expectancy, which cancels out smoking so you don't have to quit!
84
views

Being alive is hazardous. In every passing moment, you're surrounded by a host of calamities ready to fling you from this mortal coil and fall arse first into Charon's cramped and crowded canoe.

Whether you're going sky-diving for a lark or attempting to swallow a pea that's become lodged in your poorly designed throat, you'll need all the help you can get if you want to make it to an age where people won't say, "he was too young," when you inevitably die.

4. Wear protective gear at all times.

Contact with the physical world is the number one killer of all living things. Yeah, I know, I sound like your mum when you try to go skateboarding with your cool friends who despise safety gear, but I'm 100% for real, yo.

These are my pajamas.

Start off with knee-pads, elbow-pads, and a helmet. They can protect you from stuff like bird shit, which is known to harvest seriously dangerous bacteria, as well as incoming projectiles or falling over drunk in the street.

3. Always carry disposable rubber gloves and sanitizer.

Think of the amount of objects you touch in a day. Then think of the amount of other people who also touch those objects. It's a high number, right?

Do you trust those people to not have deadly illnesses, like tuberculosis or the mumps? You've never even met them. How do you know they're not running around trying to infect everybody with their ill health, fueled by jealousy of your good health.

"Those dirty hand-rails won't get me. Not like my wife."

With a bottle of sanitizer, you can disinfect the high-risk door handles of night-club toilets and make the rave safer for everybody, including yourself.

Alternatively, you can wear disposable rubber gloves to avoid making skin contact with anything ever again.

2. Research medical science.

There is a small percentage of our society who dedicate their short lives to extending the lives of others through the modern wizardry known as science. Whether it is the genuine desire to help people not die, or the seductive wage packet and honorable milieu, these are the chosen few who actively seek out the rules of death and develop ways to prolong his visit.

With steel, snakes and brute strength.

If you were to become a useful part of the medical science community, then it would suggest that you also had a substantial amount of medical knowledge.

This medical knowledge could be just what you need to tick over a few extra years and avoid jumping the gun on kicking the bucket.

1. Go with your gut instinct.

It so happens that all people throughout history who have claimed to know ways to stay healthy and live for a long time have eventually died like everyone else. Many too young for that matter. So who's advice do you trust when you're looking for a few extra years crawling warily through this booby-trapped existence?

Your own. Nobody's done it right so far, so who's to say you're wrong? Do you think Keith Richards followed mainstream methods of life-extension? No! And he's perfectly fine.


Well, he's alive.

Now that you've done a little research into life elongation tactics, you must be feeling a little better knowing that you can press the snooze button on your inevitable death.


Did these tactics work for you? Have some suggestions of your own? Tell me I'm a complete buffoon in the comments below!

Cover Image Credit: blackhairstyleshq

Popular Right Now

To The Person Who Feels Suicidal But Doesn't Want To Die

Suicidal thoughts are not black and white.
2619379
views

Everyone assumes that if you have suicidal thoughts that means you want to die.

From an outside perspective, suicidal thoughts are rarely looked into deeper than the surface level. Either you have suicidal thoughts and you want to die, or you don't have suicidal thoughts and you want to live. What most people don't understand is that people live in between those two statements, I for one am one of them.

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was a kid.

My first recollection of it was when I came home after school one day and got in trouble, and while I was just sitting in the dining room I kept thinking, “I wonder what it would be like to take a knife from the kitchen and just shove it into my stomach." I didn't want to die, or even hurt myself for that matter. But those thoughts haven't stopped since.

I've thought about going into the bathroom and taking every single pill I could find and just drifting to sleep and never waking back up, I've thought about hurting myself to take the pain away, just a few days ago on my way to work I thought about driving my car straight into a tree. But I didn't. Why? Because even though that urge was so strong, I didn't want to die. I still don't, I don't want my life to end.

I don't think I've ever told anyone about these feelings. I don't want others to worry because the first thing anyone thinks when you tell them you have thoughts about hurting or killing yourself is that you're absolutely going to do it and they begin to panic. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to die.

It's a confusing feeling, it's a scary feeling.

When the depression takes over you feel like you aren't in control. It's like you're drowning.

Every bad memory, every single thing that hurt you, every bad thing you've ever done comes back and grabs you by the ankle and drags you back under the water just as you're about the reach the surface. It's suffocating and not being able to do anything about it.

The hardest part is you never know when these thoughts are going to come. Some days you're just so happy and can't believe how good your life is, and the very next day you could be alone in a dark room unable to see because of the tears welling up in your eyes and thinking you'd be better off dead.

You feel alone, you feel like a burden to everyone around you, you feel like the world would be better off without you. I wish it was something I could just turn off but I can't, no matter how hard I try.

These feelings come in waves.

It feels like you're swimming and the sun is shining and you're having a great time until a wave comes and sucks you under into the darkness of the water. No matter how hard you try to reach the surface again a new wave comes and hits you back under again, and again, and again.

And then it just stops.

But you never know when the next wave is going to come. You never know when you're going to be sucked back under.

I always wondered if I was the only one like this.

It didn't make any sense to me, how did I think about suicide so often but not want to die? But I was thinking about it in black and white, I thought I wasn't allowed to have those feelings since I wasn't going to act on them. But then I read articles much like this one and I realized I'm not the only one. Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, and my feelings are valid.

To everyone who feels this way, you aren't alone.

I thought I was for the longest time, I thought I was the only one who felt this way and I didn't understand how I could feel this way. But please, I implore you to talk to someone, anyone, about the way you're feeling, whether it be a family member, significant other, a friend, a therapist.

My biggest mistake all these years was never telling anyone how I feel in fear that they would either brush me off because “who could be suicidal but not want to die?" or panic and try to commit me to a hospital or something. Writing this article has been the greatest feeling of relief I've felt in a long time, talking about it helps. I know it's scary to tell people how you're feeling, but you're not alone and you don't have to go through this alone.

Suicidal thoughts aren't black and white, your feelings are valid, and there are people here for you. You are not alone.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255


Cover Image Credit: BengaliClicker

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

10 Effective Leg Exercises Every Boss Babe Needs In Her Workout Routine

Get off your bum and work those legs out!

415
views

Isn't having slimmer looking legs always the goal? Here are some various exercises that have been the most effective for me and others. Some are more difficult than others, but don't be afraid to challenge yourself!

1. Squats

Squats are a great basic exercise that you can easily make as challenging as you'd like. It's definitely my go to exercise.

2. Side lunges

This is a great exercise since it works for beginners and experts who can add weights! Make sure to push your butt back and keep your back and chest up.

3. Sumo deadlift

This is also great for people of all levels of ability. You can use heavy weight like is she is or use light weight.

5.  One-legged bench squats

This can be tricky, but you can make it easier with less weight. This is a very effective workout that will leave you very sore.

6. Sumo crab walks

This workout seems odd, and you may feel awkward while doing it, but It does a great job at targeting your legs and glutes.

7. Split squat

This is an awesome workout to target your hamstrings and your glutes. You can make it more difficult with weights as well.

8. Sumo squat pulses

This will set your legs on fire, but push through because it is super effective. You can use a cable like she did or do it with no weight at all.

9. Leg extensions

I love this exercise and I swear by it. It really targets your quads and will set your legs on fire!!

10. Pistol squats 

This is one of the most challenging leg exercises out there, but it's worth the challenge because of its effectiveness. Try it out!

These are some of the best leg exercises I've tried. They've all been super effective for me and kick my booty especially when I add lots of weight! Get off your bum and work those legs out!

Related Content

Facebook Comments