I've been asked to write an article about domestic violence/abuse in honor of Domestic Violence Awareness month in October. Personally, I have experienced it, I have lived through it, and I am trying to work through the scars that have been made from this. But as I've gone though the process of even realizing that I am a victim, I've had people ask me why didn't I just leave and why do I stay in these situations. So here is why someone might stay, but also why you shouldn't blame the victim.
1. The type of abuse isn't always physical.
Some forms of domestic abuse are:
-Physical Abuse: commonly known as actual domestic violence
- Verbal and Non-Verbal Abuse: psychological, mental and emotional abuse
+Psychological and Mental: any type of intimidating, threatening, or fear-causing behavior.
+Emotional: Persistent insults, humiliation, and/or criticism
-Sexual Abuse: this includes sexual assault, rape, harassment, unwelcome touching and other sexually demeaning behaviors.
-Financial Abuse: This includes withholding financial information, withholding resources for essential means of living, exploiting monetary profits for personal use and stealing a spouse's own money or property.
These are not always able to be seen as abuse by outsiders or by the person in the environment. This makes it even harder for someone to get help because if an outsider can't see the abuse, what hope does the victim have to make an authority figure see it?
2. Pets.
Yes, pets. For some this may sound silly, but in a situation of physical abuse, there maybe a fear that the abuser will go from taking out the anger on the victim to the pets if they leave. In emotional abuse, that pet might be the only form of support or love the person feels is there for them. Luckily, there are programs that are now starting to accommodate for this fear and reason not to leave.
3. The victim may have no other choice but to stay.
I know this seems like just a cop out to why someone may not leave them like saying "oh, but I still love him even though he broke my arm in seven places", but for some of us it really isn't an option. When you're thirteen and are experiencing a psychological abuse to where you haven't been allowed outside of your house in months other than to go to school, that's an abuse you can't exactly tell someone and they understand you need help. You're a minor, you have no rights or say, and if you tell an adult, it just sounds like you have strict parents. There is literally no one you can tell and nothing you can do to get out of the situation. Staying where you at least get food and shelter is your only option for survival.
4. The victim may not know they are a victim.
For years, I thought domestic violence was only physical. For years, I had no information, no idea, and no way out either. Now that I've started a new chapter in my life and decided to get counseling for my anxiety, I've learned about my own situation and tried to help others. There are so many people who sit there and take the abuse in a relationship, whether it's friendship, family or romantic, and categorize it as normal because they don't think it'll happen to them, or they don't look for the other types of abuses' signs. They're as naive as I was and while that's okay, there really should be more information on it.
If you believe someone or yourself is in a violent relationship, please contact someone.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline Website Here
The National Domestic Violence Hotline Phone Number: 1-800-799-7233
Help is only a hand reach away.
