You should always speak your mind when you encounter conflict. When people make you feel low and upset, call them out on the truth of their actions. However, if you are anything like me, the very thought of fighting or even petty conflict makes you cringe. Reality is, as much as I would like to speak my mind, I find it very hard to do so. Over the years, I have come to understand that passivity solves nothing, and voicing your thoughts generally works in your favor. Today, I try my best to work on being assertive and straightforward. Even though I have come to terms with these revelations, I see that I have engaged in the following behaviors:
1. Sometimes you go along with ideas that you may not agree with.
The thought of disagreement is uncomfortable, and even though things can be worked out easily with communication, you still often find that you shut up when you should speak up. The whole time you are going along with what others want, you end up brewing with resentment and dissatisfaction. To overcome this, even though it may be uneasy, speak your mind in the moment so everyone has a clear understanding of your perspective. When you share your honest opinion, mutual understanding may be met, and they may be happier you feel comfortable enough to express your real self with them. Everyone wins.
2. You find you're like a shaken soda can -- after a lot of pressure, you may explode.
Internalizing feelings is king to a passive-aggressive person. When you experience a feeling that discomforts you, it's easy to store it away and forget about it. Focusing on your feelings is scary, as it reveals a lot about who you are, but it is healthy in growing as a person. When you internalize your feelings for too long, you may feel as if you are going to explode somehow, whether you go off on someone, have a random burst of anger or sadness, etc. Instead, communicate your feelings to someone who you trust and listens to you. Doing so allows you in the future to express your ideas with more people and prevents you from experiencing further emotional distraught.
3. You mask your pain with a smile and a simple "It's fine."
You don't want anyone to see your weakness, and often hide your feelings with a dismissive smile and move on. On the flip side, you also don't want to call people out when they hurt you -- it's easier to just drop it and move on. However, you don't just drop it, leading into continued upset and a strained relationship with others. 9 times out of 10, if you explain to others how they make you feel, they will express their apologies and try to make sure in the future they avoid certain behaviors. Being communicative builds relationships, not burden them.
4. It's very easy to let your feelings stew.
When communication is active between two people, typically amends are made and understanding is met. If you are closed off and don't express when something is upsetting you, it solves nothing. One continues as if everything is normal, and moves on. On the flip side, something that can be fixed with a simple conversation can be elongated for days, weeks, or even years. This can lead you to be a very bitter, unhappy, and pessimistic person. Rather than focusing on being constructive, you become jaded with your own discontent.
If you recognize continued trends of passivity in yourself, battle them head on. It's uncomfortable. It's vulnerable. But it's healthy. Communication with both yourself and others is key in developing comprehensive, healthy relationships and building trust. Facing your fears is part of life, but you will come out stronger in the end and you will finally have a comprehensive idea of what you want. Be forward, be bold, and most of all, do what makes you happiest, not solely what makes other happy.
