RIght now I am sitting at the edge of my bed in my bedroom, facing a white wall, and Lauryn Hill’s first solo album, The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill, is playing. “Nothing Even Matters”, the twelfth track is playing, and I have never felt as relaxed as I do now. I’ve actually never seen my bedroom in the light that I see it now. I seldom stop to look at the environment in which I lay my head and my body in on a daily basis.

As the song progresses, my mind progresses into a deeper state of audio pleasure. The same three words--nothing even matters--travels to my ears, through my mind, and throughout my entire body, freeing me from additional thoughts, concerns, and realities.

I am in a sanctuary. I am essentially in the safest place possible. I am home alone, somewhat excluded from any other human contact, other than that of the voice of Lauryn Hill penetrating every boundary of my bedroom.

Interestingly, I am writing this on a laptop, a technological tool that connects to the Internet: the essence of modern human contact. But I still do somewhat feel excluded. For the first time in a while, I am detached from my natural inclination to check my email, my Twitter or Facebook timeline, my Snapchat feed, or my facebook account. For the first time in a while, I am exploring the reality of this tangible feeling of my body’s physical happiness; you know, that feeling when you can feel your body in a state of pure satisfaction and relaxation.

The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill is still playing. “The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill” the fourteenth and final track is on. It feels as if Lauryn is directly speaking to me. This album usually speaks to me, but never like this before.

It is safe to say that this is the most aware I have been while listening to this album. Every word in this song is meaning something special. ”Deep in my heart, the answer it was in me, and I made up my mind to define my own destiny,” she says.

At that moment a wave of emotions pushes through. Those feelings of inadequacy, internal pressure, external pressure, uncertainty, and fear take over; I begin to shed some tears. Every trial and tribulation so far become so apparent; they become so valid to me; they become so real to me.

Up to this moment, the answers that I sought to find within my own life, I believed, were beyond my ability to find or control. Little did I know, I had the answers all along within myself, lacking the assistance of any other human contact or correspondence.

The answer “it was in me” and with that answer “I (can make) up my mind to define my destiny."

I understood this through a few minutes of solitude, a state of being that I used to perceive as daunting.