Relationships are an amazing thing and a wonderful opportunity for us to express our deepest emotions with another person on a level no one else will ever see. They allow us to share our brightest passions and our darkest memories as a member of a two-way street paved with love and trust. However, relationships aren't always the fantasy we want to believe in.
Toxicity is real, and it hits hard.
It's unfortunate in today's day and age, but people can be truly awful to their significant others, sometimes without even realizing it. Not only that, but many people of relationships don't even understand that their partner was being toxic towards them until after the relationship has been buried. In my experience, sometimes you spend so much time idolizing your partner that you almost hinder yourself from paying attention to their flaws - and that is not a good thing.
Look, it's natural and expected to have flaws, and there's nothing wrong with that (especially if you're confident enough in yourself that you can admit to them). Despite this, you should be willing to accept your internal demons and to fight them, especially for the sake of maintaining a healthy relationship. Many people learn this over time with experience, but some out there seem to have a lot of catching up to do.
1. If the relationship has you feeling drained, there's a problem.
Relationships are exciting and as such, mostly in the starting months, it's easy to get carried away and to burn off all of your energy whenever you're together. That's fine, and that's not what's being addressed here.
If dates with your significant other consistently leave you feeling mentally and emotionally empty, rather than upbeat or productive, there's a chance things aren't going well. While it could be for any number of reasons, it's important to note the possibility of this being because your partner is sucking away all of your enthusiasm with their own insecurity. This is one of the biggest issues I've had to deal with in relationships, and the sooner you realize it's happening, the better.
2. Are you feeling an imbalance?
One of the most common causes of a relationship falling apart is when one of its members begins to lose feelings for the other. This isn't necessarily a toxic trait all of the time, but there are situations where, rather than genuinely losing feelings for their partner, they are going through plenty of stress in their own lives and are looking for some kind of escape to eradicate as much of it as possible.
Unfortunately for many of us, they often seem to think that ending their happy relationship is what will give them this, when in reality, it tends to do the opposite. Not only that, but it can even do additional damage, as they have now left their boyfriend or girlfriend feeling unsure about the value of their own existence, potentially leading their minds down a dark path that I've written about in past articles.
3. If they're too concerned with themselves, they can't make room for you.
A major lesson that I learned the hard way last year is how sometimes, they really just won't make an effort for you. It's great to have a passion and a plan for something that will take you to your future, but you shouldn't be so obsessed with yourself and with how you think things are going for you that you ignore the ones around you. This should be twice as true for the one you have committed to being in a relationship with.
Unfortunately, there are cases where you may have a boyfriend or girlfriend who is incredibly and secretly insecure about themselves to the point that they refuse any sense of reason and shut others out for the chance to obtain a goal. Oftentimes, this goal isn't what they expect and has little impact on the grand scheme of things, but a toxic partner won't see that because it feels like, for a brief moment, all of their troubles will be gone.
In believing this lie, they end up forgetting and neglecting the love of their significant other, causing the relationship to suffer at their hand.
Treat your relationships with respect and gratitude.
This doesn't even scratch the surface of all of the many traits a toxic partner can have or even all of those that I've dealt with myself within the last year and a half. I'll get to more of them down the road, but for the time being, respect your significant other if you are in a relationship and make a big deal about communicating clearly and often.
Sometimes a couple just isn't meant to be. There's no shame in that, and it only brings us closer to the one who will be with us forever. In the meantime, however, it is important that we always think about the needs and aspirations of anyone we date. After all, can you imagine how much brighter the future would be if we put that much care into all of our relationships? I think we could all learn a thing or two, and maybe one day we'll achieve that.
