"Playtest" is an episode of the newest season of Black Mirror. If you're not familiar with the series, it has been often dubbed as the modern version of Twilight Zone. The show consists of dark and often mind-bending standalone episodes that address the dangerous of modern technology and social issues.

No spoilers, but "Playtest" might be the best episode of season three. The main character Cooper is volunteers to test out a new virtual reality game. (Think Oculus on steroids.) The game pits a player alone in an old house to face their darkest fears, one-by-one. Although the episode was an obvious play on our modern, and potentially dangerous obsession, with virtual reality games, I couldn't help but find the striking comparison to the anxious mind.

A desolate and lonesome place where all of our deepest fears come out to play. We know that they can't hurt us, but it doesn't change the fact our bodies are sent into a very real fight or flight response as if the giant spider really is right in front of us.

I caught myself thinking about if I was in the game. For starters, there's no way on earth you'd find me anywhere near a game like that, but we'll assume I was entered involuntarily. "I'd just keep telling myself it's not real. Yeah, it looks terrifying, but I'd just remind myself it can't hurt me."

Wait...Isn't that like a panic attack? Yeah...not so easy to simply talk yourself back to reality...

This internal conversation made me think of how difficult it can be to describe mental illness and how difficult it must be for those who haven't experienced it to grasp the hellish weight. As someone who suffers from anxiety and depression, I often have friends and family who ask for advice interacting with others who suffer.

Phrases like "it can't hurt you" or "it's all in your head," might not be the best things to say to a friend or family member who suffers from mental illness, but what can be said? Is there anything you can really do to help them? After all, there is no off switch to a panic attack.

This is a bit of a trick question. Every individual and situation is different and will need its own special care. I am the furthest thing from a professional on these issues. These thoughts and suggestions are merely from my own experience and I can only hope that some of these words will resonate with you.

The first thing that's important to understand about friends with mental illness: We hide it well.

This is not to say that all cases are easily masked, but many of them are hidden beneath a shroud of distractions. Everyone has different reasons that drive them to attempt to leave their monsters hidden under the bed. Some are driven by shame, confusion, fear, or maybe even an inner voice telling them to push through. Regardless of the causes, most seem to be rooted in the question, "what will people think of me?"

You as a friend, family member, or acquaintance have a big role in this. All of us do. We each can play a part in removing the stigma around mental illness and helping our fellow humans feel comfortable sharing their struggle.

Let's ignore the obvious things that you should never say. I will trust that you wouldn't ever tell your friend or family member to "suck it up" or "quit faking." (Hint: NEVER say things like this...)

Here are some common reactions I've encountered and helpful alternatives:

"I'm such a horrible friend!"

I can certainly understand why this is such a prevalent response. After all, anyone would want to know if their friend was struggling with something. I've read that this response is especially common for parents who feel as though they have failed by not knowing what their child was going through.

In our day and age, there are a plethora of ways to mask mental illness. Take the ever-so-common college kid out partying every weekend. We all thought they were the life of the party, but they had really just used it as a coping mechanism to hide their pain.

Chances are that your friend or family member has already felt like a burden and never wanted it to feel like it was somehow your fault.

Instead of trying to take the blame, applaud their bravery for opening the discussion and let them know that you are always there for them.

It's always important to be on the look out for warning signs of mental illness and to absolutely say something if you feel that a loved one is putting themselves or others in harm. Unfortunately, most of the time the signs are far more subtle and you have to understand how incredibly important it is that they have opened up to you.

"Have you tried ______?"

I know it comes from a caring place and can be very beneficially, but it needs to be used with great care. Many times, your friend or family member isn't coming to you asking for a cure, they just want to decompress and let you know what's going on. It's remarkable the amount of cure suggestion I've gotten. Everything from popping a Xanax to herbal remedies to watching a YouTube video.

All of these things can be helpful at the right time, but take care not to bombard them. We've all been in a place where we needed to vent about something and were not really looking for answers. You will never fully be able to understand how it feels to be in their shoes, but it does take a certain level of empathy.

It can a helpful alternative to simply ask how you can best help them. They may not have a straight answer for you, but it means the world to them just knowing that someone is listening to them and not calling them crazy.

"You'll be fine."

This one is a blurry line. It too is a very natural reaction to hearing about what someone is going through, but be cautious about using it. There have been times when this reminder of the light at the end of the tunnel has been helpful to me, so I won't say it's never beneficially, but it takes some insight.

In my experience, I've found that it can be comforting coming from people I know really understand what I'm going through. The risk with this response is that it can come across as sounding like you don't really believe it's a big deal. It's not the phrase itself, but the words that often can go along with it. "You'll be fine. Just chill out." or "You'll be fine. Everyone gets down sometimes."

It's important to be willing to ride out the storm with them. Positive alternatives can be things along the lines of "That's got to be so hard for you right now. I'm here." Simply let them know that you realize they're in the midst of a storm and you'll be with them until the clouds clear.

The bottom line is that there really is no one size fits all response or strategy to support your friends and family with mental illness. I get frustrated hearing people claim to have the perfect words to treat anxiety and depression. I almost feel hypocritical writing this, but I do believe these are important lessons I've learned from my journey.

I know that it can be a disheartening feeling as though you can not help your loved ones who are in need. Don't let this deter you from loving and supporting them. Sometimes simply being there is the most important thing you can ever do. When words do need to be used, remember to embrace them with the reassurance, listen to their ends, and be willing to sit beside them in the midst of their pain.