SCHEDULES. My goodness. When I make the decision to emotionally invest myself with someone or in someone's life, particularly romantically, I want to be able to see as much of that person as possible. In college, that's a hard thing to pin down. Everyone's schedules are different. A balance between class time, homework, time with friends, work, and other commitments is incredibly difficult to manage even as an individual, much less when you're also devoted to someone else.
As little as a month and a half ago, I ended my relationship with someone. The reason for that was that all too often, I found myself telling him that I couldn't hang out because I had an exam the next day or a sorority event that night, and always got responses back that accused me of things like not making the time, choosing other things over being with him, and even at one point and I quote, "getting too involved at school."
A week into my spring semester this year, I made a spur-of-the-moment decision to get involved with an organization on campus that consisted almost entirely of students with my same major, or similar goals. Of course I was ecstatic to tell him about it, hoping he'd be excited for me, but instead he hit me with, "why didn't you talk to me about this before joining?"
*In my mind*
"Because I wanted to. Because these are the connections I need. Because it makes me happy. Because it'll challenge me. Because I can decide for myself. Because I'm just here for academics. Because I want these four years to be full of adventures. Because I don't have to answer to you. Because you don't control me."
That night when I went home and told my mom about everything, she laughed. "You didn't even tell me! What's up with that!?" she asked, jokingly, to make light of the situation since I was clearly not too thrilled.
"You're 19 and in college. You make your own decisions," was what she followed it with. She's right. She's always right.
The point is, if you're in college and dating, dating another college student who understands how chaotic and busy full-time student schedules and routines can get is important. That isn't to say that if one person is in college and the other isn't that it won't work. I've known a fair number of people who have lived it or are living it now, but that's just not something I've ever been able to make possible.
Oh, and STRESS. I work three jobs, balance a full-time 14 credit hour school schedule, am an officer in my sorority, play a role in the organization I talked about earlier, blog for two different publications, and balance social life all at the same time now. I'm lucky if I make it into bed before 1 a.m., and get up again at 7 every morning. Sometimes I skip a meal, or more than one in a row just because I have so much else to do that I actually forget. Which causes a pretty significant amount of stress, particularly since I already struggle with generalized anxiety and OCD.
I didn't dare tell him that, though, because he always said, "I know." Not the comforting kind of I know. The kind of "I know" that made my blood boil because I knew he really didn't. He couldn't. He wasn't doing nearly as much, and had weekends completely free of commitments and obligations while I was spending countless hours studying for exams, writing essays, emailing advisers, keeping up with everything and barely managing to keep myself from having full-on mental breakdowns.
In fairness, he does have a very challenging job for eight hours a day 5 days out of the week, but I still stand behind what I said.
In college, every student knows how it goes. Students just "get" each other when it comes to stress, not to mention to controlling it. Instead of telling your significant other that you're stressed and getting the response "I know," knowing full well that the other person really does not know at all, you get the comforting kind of "I know," and you know that they mean it because they've been there a time or two or ten, and it's wonderful.
Most importantly, though, is understanding. College students understand one another in an almost frighteningly incredible way. We all know how it goes. We know there are great days, we know there are stressful days, we know there are sleepless nights and we know there are times when the world seems to be spinning right along with the beat of our hearts.
Not that the rest of the world doesn't, but what we have is somehow extra, extra special.
