Last week we explored reason # 1 of why you are still single, YOU. We discussed why the way you feel about yourself causes you to continue to make poor choices in men. My Challenge is to review the men you have been involved with and see how that correlates with the root cause of your poor choices. This week we will look at the reason #2...

Reason #2

The Church

I can see some of you ladies clutching your Sunday pearls now. How can the church keep you single? My thought is a little controversial, but if you hear me out with an open heart, you will receive the blessing that God has intended. When I say the church I am mainly speaking of the “black church” and not all of them. It’s the only other place that has as many single women on any given day as the club on ladies night. Black churches are FILLED with single women of all ages. Sunday after Sunday filling the rows with lonely women who are too holy to admit it. The single meetings are filled with women and when an available man comes to visit, all hell breaks loose. He doesn’t even have to be single, just willing and he will have a smorgasbord of women to choose from.

The reason why I’ve singled out black churches is because I’ve noticed in white churches I see far more traditional family units. Being a wife is taught from an early age, purity, marrying young, and being a traditional family is far more encouraged. I was looking for singles ministries to work with and I noticed that most of my white brothers and sisters didn’t have singles ministries like the black churches did. There was ministries for women, wives, mothers, and widows. Although I think they are doing their single women a disservice, I believe that they have far fewer single women than the black churches. I do believe that black churches do encourage traditional family values, but there is more effort placed on being a good single then there is on being a good wife. We are taught how to be an independent woman and being single and satisfied while we should be learning how to be a good wife (if that’s what we desire). We are taught that all we need is Jesus, and I’m not saying that Jesus isn’t enough, but last I checked Jesus didn’t do movie dates, backrubs, or propose marriage.

We have been trained and taught that it is weak to want a relationship and desire marriage. It is taboo in our community. Don’t believe me, make a status about being single on Facebook. People will flood your post trying to “encourage” you that you don’t need a relationship and that you just need to draw closer to God. Again, I’m not saying that a relationship defines you or that you don’t need to draw closer to God, what I am saying is if you want to be married say that! Don’t let “church folk” shame you otherwise.

I wrote in my book “7 Days to Pray the Single Away”, that we confuse God and he doesn’t know what to give us. When we are with our church friends (who are all single) we are independent women who don’t need or want a man. We holler about all we need is Jesus and “aint” no man out there that we just “have to have”. We go on and on and then when we get home in our private time with God, were crying about not having a husband and being so lonely. We ask God for one thing and then behave in another. God doesn’t know whether to bless you with a husband or not because if He did, how would you treat him? Like you don’t need him? Like you are doing him a favor? God is not going to send a Boaz your way and run the risk of having you treat him like he’s a Nabal (1 Samuel 25).

TRY THIS

Imagine this…you are a farmer. You have tilled the land and you are planting seeds. You throw them in the ground and then you water the seeds so they can grow. The next day you come and dig it all up…THEN get discouraged because you have no harvest. That’s what you do when you pray about being married and then go speaking against it. We ask God for a mate in private and then speak against it in public by saying things like “I don’t need anybody”, “I’m single and satisfied and don’t need nothing else”. You are planting the seed with God, watering it with Faith and then going back and pulling it up with your words. You then turn around and get discouraged because you see no harvest.

Day after day, year after year you remain single because you are sabotaging your blessing with your words. James 4:2b “Yet you do not have because you do not ask”, so today I challenge you to ASK, and don’t just ask, BELIEVE… and don’t just believe… LEAVE…Leave it there and let God provide the increase. Write down your desire to God and don’t put any limits or qualifiers on it. “God, I want a husband. I want a covering and I want someone to love me like you do! Amen”. That’s it… no “God I want a husband, but if you don’t bless me I’m ok with that also. “ No, tell Him what you want and LEAVE IT THERE. When you get around your friends DON’T and I repeat DON’T start bad mouthing the concept of being in a relationship. Like our momma’s always said “If you don’t have anything nice to say, keep ya mouth closed!” If you are hanging with the ladies at the monthly singles shindig and the topic comes up, fill your mouth with some of your drink and don’t say a word! Let them talk how they choose, but on THIS DAY you are choosing to keep your seeds in the ground and allowing God to provide the increase and the blessing to manifest. Also, don’t start telling them what you shared with God. That’s like leaving your crops unattended. They will pick and pick until your seed is gone. Keep it to yourself! Just between you and God. This will be good practice for when you get a man, you need to learn to keep your business TO YOURSELF!

Hagar’s Affirmation

I am a Daughter of the Most High. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am beautiful, whole, and complete. Everything I need can be found in and provided by my Father. I don’t have to beg for anything or anyone’s attention. I realize that I am the prize, the good thing to be found. I will not beg for scraps when I know that my Father has prepared a table for me. I am empowered, encouraged, educated and edified. God has opened my eyes to see that I can do all and be all I’ve been called to be through Christ who strengthens me. I will allow the Holy Spirit to guide and direct me as I begin again the kingdom way and receive all that my Father has for me. I am beautiful and whole and perfectly me. I am a Daughter of the Most High, just who I’ve been called to be