Being hurt is inevitable. At some point in life, we are all bound to be wronged, insulted, betrayed. In some cases, it may be relatively easy to accept an apology and bury the hatchet. But in other cases, the injury may too great to let go and move on. Sometimes, we are too willing to hold onto the past and stay angry. Holding a grudge seems like the easier solution rather than addressing the issue and moving forward.
I remember a time when I was cheated on, and for the longest time I refused to forgive the man that hurt me. It was so easy for him to remain a monster in my mind, to hold onto the pain and play the victim. But after so long, I realized the only person it was affecting was me. I discovered the ability to forgive is necessary, and here’s why.
1. You give them power over you.
When you can’t forgive someone for what they’ve done to you, you give them more power over you than you realize. By staying angry and latching on to the pain they’ve caused, you allow them to affect your moods and emotions beyond what they’ve originally done. They maintain a hold on you well after they’ve exited your life. After I was cheated on, I remained angry and even took it out on other men. Even after he’d left, he still affected me so much that I was unable to form successful relationships with other guys for a long time. I had given him the power to isolate me and to hold me back from happiness when he was sleeping just fine.
2. You tear yourself apart.
When you find it difficult to forgive, you often hold onto negative emotions and memories surrounding the event or action that hurt you. While the person you’re angry at probably isn’t thinking twice about what they’ve done, you’re constantly reliving the moment in your mind. We often torture ourselves with things we can’t let go of, and drain ourselves worrying and stressing over something old. After thinking of how I was hurt for so long, I started to believe that I deserved what happened to me and that somehow it was my fault. My self-esteem dropped drastically,, and I found myself obsessing over the pain. I wasn’t myself; even others around me noticed. When we can’t let go and forgive, we allow hurt to take over us, to change us.
3. You lose valuable people in your life.
Everyone that hurts you isn’t a bad person, and some don’t do it intentionally. Sometimes, an injury can be an honest mistake, a misunderstanding, or just a poor decision on their part. If we can’t forgive someone that has done us wrong, we may be cutting off someone that may genuinely be sorry and truly plans to never hurt you again. How many times have you hurt someone’s feelings or upset someone without realizing it or meaning to? Sometimes, you have to put yourself on the receiving end of a situation like that. Did that person forgive you?
Holding onto pain can change you in a negative way. We are all in control of our own happiness. In order to maintain that happiness, it is necessary for us to forgive others and to move on. If you thought I would end this article with the predictable “life is too short” cliché, well, you’ve caught me.
Life is way too short to spend more time than you have to clinging on to the past and denying yourself the happiness you deserve.
