So, you're graduating soon, right?

Well, whether you like it or not, we're now in the double digits of days left before graduation. That's two more months until the big day. Just seven more weekends, people. You think to yourself, "Gee, what should I make sure I do before I leave this place for good? Surely there are things I need to do one last time!" Since you only have limited time to do these things before graduation, and because I can tell that you're wildly un-creative, I made a compact and easy-to-follow list for you to carry out before the end of May.

1. Walk through St. Mary's alone at night - Bring a night vision camera. Ghost-busters the s*** out of that chapel. Pack a ouija board and contact the dead nun. Ask her if the campus hummus still sucked back then.
2. Swim in the campus pool - Splash around. Flirt with the lifeguard. Pee in the pool; mark it as your territory.
3. Get VEMMED. Wouldn't it be groovy to receive medical attention on your parents dime just one last time? What a time to be alive!
4. Visit an RA - Distract him/her. Steal the confiscated liquor and escape through the emergency fire door. Relish the sound of the alarm.
5. Eat at the Italian Kitchen once more - R.I.P.
6. Go to the campus gym - This is to the girls: strut your stuff and dominate the weight-lifting side of the gym. Bench press double your weight and get the muscle-tank bro to spot you. Grunt loudly. Do not wear a bra. Make them uncomfortable.
7. Go to Late Night one last time - Drink that pizza grease! Only eat the fried part of the chicken fingers! Swallow that french toast-stick whole, you animal!
8. Body roll down the side of Sheehan Beach - No! Not in the snow, you idiot!!!!
9. Attend a campus mass - Sing your freakin' guts out and kneel like the squat-poppin-babe you are. Take a chomp out of the body of Christ. Pray to the Patron Saint of Employment.
10. Give Pasta Rob a call and see how he's doing - Spoiler alert: probably not so well.
11. Ask your crush out on a date - Or invite him/her over for "a movie." Or drunk text him/her at 3:02 AM. Or accidentally send an inappropriate Snapchat. Or awkwardly grind at the frat party until he/she goes back with you to save face. Science says that all of the above lead to healthy, long-standing relationships.
12. Trip a Freshman - No, no, don't do that.**
13. Visit your favorite professor one last time - Buy him/her a coffee. Laugh about that time you forgot that bibliography for the midterm paper. Reveal to him/her that you didn't have the flu that one time; you were actually just waking up among the alley cats behind Maloney's Pub.
14. Get one last tasty omelette from the Pit - And DO NOT say please or thank you.
15. Pull one last all-nighter with your friends in Bartley - Book a room, call your friends, order the damn Campco, and watch viral Youtube videos on the projector until your eyes and final grade rot and fall away.
16. Visit SAAC late at night - Run around the circle screaming, "MASHED POTATOES!" Break into their offices. Carefully wrap their furniture in decorative paper. Leave an appropriate gift and a kind thank-you note.
17. Talk to a member of the men's basketball team - When he turns around, surprise him with a piggy-back ride!
18. Rage at the local bars - And pledge to get yourself kicked out of at least two of them. It's been done so make it your own brand of terror.
19. Drive up to the guard gate - Offer no explanation. Hit the gas and do not look back. Start a car chase down 476. Blow a 0.0 when they stop and breathalyze you. Plead insanity.
20. Go to one last sports game - If you're not a regular fan, this is a great way to gauge how the rest of the Senior population has grappled with weight gain. Flirt with the ROTC kid who has gained social skills. Give a high-five to that kid who wore cargo pants all freshman year and has now finally left those bad boys behind. Bravo, you!
21. Take one last official photo-opp with the Oreo - In the middle of the night. No one around. Clothing prohibited, and bring the selfie stick.
22. Streak across campus - Speaking of nudity, wouldn't it be great to let your junk roll with the open wind? It's in virtually every college related movie. Might as well act out the cliche. Frank. The. Tank.
23. Purchase the Courts - Send Rob on a generous vacation and give an anonymous donation to the Lower Merion Police under the pseudonym "College Hall." Throw a rager. Set the Courts free.
24. Put soap in the fountain - Don't do this. I will never forgive you. You are better than that.
25. Wake up in the quad one last time - You don't need me to tell you how to achieve this.
26. Pretend to be part of a campus tour. Or do anything ridiculous in front of a campus tour. Like perform a belly flop. Or strut by in last night's outfit (see above). Sing them a song.
27. Take a dip in the fountain - Do this at night. Submerge yourself under its depths. Wait for a pedestrian to walk by. Ribbet loudly, and then engage in awkward conversation.
28. Climb to the top of Tolentine one last time - Hahahaha yeah, no, never trying that again.

**Do it

"Wow, Claire, thank you for that list; I can't wait to fulfill all of these things successfully without getting expelled!"

You are SO welcome, Reader. Anything for the people. Aren't you glad that you let me handle your own bucket list? Look, shoot me an email if you check all of these off your list and I'll make sure that some Insomnia Cookies find your address.

But — pics or it didn't happen.