Exam season is the worst season. Everyone is hungry. No one has slept for days. The library is full of people who didn’t know where the building was before yesterday. You just heard someone say they need a 612% on the final to pass the class. You might be hallucinating. You would literally rather be doing anything else.
Here is a list of things I’d rather be doing than living through finals:
1. Living through the apocalypse
2. Not living through the apocalypse
3. Poking my eyes out Oedipus Rex style
4. Being Oedipus Rex
5. Read a book that gives you a papercut every time you turn a page
6. Dip said paper cuts in a vat of rubbing alcohol
7. Type out my life story on a type writer
8. Only be able to talk on an 80s-style car cellphone
9. Tell my dog about every time I’ve called another dog a “good boy”
10. Watch the Alabama Auburn game on repeat with my eyes tapped open
11. Listen to “Friday” by Rebecca Black on repeat for the rest of the week
12. Get into a snowball fight with the Mr. Clean Guy
13. Eat Kevin Malone’s chili
14. Not be allowed to eat cookies on Christmas Eve
15. Never eat Sonic again
16. Be forced to eat in the school’s cafeteria for every meal every day
17. Live a life without Chick-fil-a
18. Be forced to sleep in a cold room without blankets
19. Be forced to sleep without a box fan
20. Only be allowed to take hot showers once a month
21. Live on a deserted island with only a coconut to speak to
22. Never be allowed to wear contacts again
23. Drive Bella Swan’s pick-up truck
24. Make another pop-culture reference in this list
25. Only be able to watch Lorde perform music live
26. Be yelled at by Nick Saban
27. Literally anything else.
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