Ahh yes, The Douchebag. A gender neutral term used to describe the creatures often found loitering outside of E-Cig stores and DMing girls and boys way too young for them. There is no surefire way to tell who quite falls into this category, but this list may help you spot some common behaviors and personality traits found in The Douchebag. **Disclaimer** Participation in one or more of these activities does not automatically render someone as a douchebag, but they do serve as nice red flags.
1. They refer to everyone they meet as "bro"
See also, "dude", "bitch", or "slut".
2. Many of their sentences begin with, "well, actually..."
Let's just not.
3. They mention that they are a libertarian at every chance they get
"I used to vote in the two party system just like you, then I discovered my lord and savior Rand Paul."
4. They believe camouflage is a fashion statement
Yikes.
5. "I'm not a feminist, because I believe in EQUAL rights"
This one actually does automatically render one as a douchebag, FYI.
6. One of their favorite articles of clothing is a tank top that says, 'sun's out, guns out'
Add an extra d-bag point if they have no arm muscles to go along with the tank.
7. They believe immigrants should "stop stealing our jobs and go back to where they came from"
Ok Justin, get back to me on that one when you have a job that requires you to dress up in anything more than cargo shorts.
8. Tapout and Ed Hardy are two of their favorite brands
This one is fairly self-explanatory.
9. They think it's funny to refer to CNN as the Clinton News Network
10. When you are out to eat, they steal fries off of your plate without asking
Only the worst types of people are guilty of this.
11. Their webcam is covered up so 'the NSA can't spy on them'
Most likely, your life is not interesting enough to spy on.
12. They believe the 'friend zone' is real, and complain about being stuck in it
13. Asking every girl they just met, "aww, where's my hug?" when she goes to leave
And they always look at you like this.
14. When you open your snapchats, they have sent unsolicited nude selfies
15. On a related matter, they constantly beg for nude pictures from others
Nope, you really don't need this.
16. In high school, they always took gym way too seriously
Being athletic is cool, pummeling all of the smaller kids during dodgeball is douchey.
17. They find a way to brag about horrible grades that they have received, believing it gives them 'street cred'
18. A Monster energy drink logo can be found on their car
19. After going mudding, they leave the mud on their truck for many weeks to ensure that everyone knows they just went mudding
Please, someone explain it to me because I just don't understand.
20. Their go-to joke at a party is either racist, sexist, or homophobic
Bonus points if they complain, "you just don't have a sense of humor" when you refuse to laugh.
21. They support a political candidate because, "it's funny" and "politics don't matter anyways"
If you're voting for someone because you think it's funny, you should probably just stay home on Election Day TBH.
22. An E-Cig is always visible in their hand, and is used frequently in public
23. Before ever talking to you in person, they DM you on twitter
Please, I'm begging you. Approach me in person before you try to slide into my DMs
24. They consistently use the wrong form of you're/your, and when corrected claim, "this is the internet, not school!"
*Side note: It's also pretty lame to correct someone on their grammar in the first place.
25. They LOVE to bring up the 2nd amendment
Even if the topic is in no way related to guns, a true douchebag will find a way to make it about the 2nd amendment.
26. A hobby of theirs is going after someone who is taken
27. And finally, they always seem to be wearing their sunglasses indoors
Come on, you had to have known that Simon Cowell would make the list eventually.
