Contrary to what you all might think, I am, in fact, possibly the most awkward person to have walked planet earth. I, therefore, feel most qualified to discuss this topic. Living my life as a awkward human being has opened so many doors for me in both the social and professional world. For example, when you go to a party with your friends and see the boy that you have been talking to and don’t even acknowledge his existence for the sole reason that the situation is deemed “too awkward,” but are, in fact, making the situation even more embarrassing for both of you. Or when you are in a job interview at a Mexican Restaurant and pretend to be fluent in Spanish, and still don’t get the job because it is clear to the manager that you are a horrible liar. Some people may believe that you are only awkward if you are born awkward when, in fact, the trait can be learned, and studied at a high level. For example, my “#squad” is probably much more awkward because they spend copious amounts of time with me. Therefore, everyone, I mean no one, is awkward... sorry. Was that an awkward sentence? Probably.

Here are some tips and tricks for being the most awkward person ever while at a public gathering with drinks and friends.

1. Bringing your dinner to a party in Tupperware.
2. Showing up before the party starts.
3. Showing up after the party ends.
4. Not having money for alcohol, so pretending you’re drunk as compensation for being a poor college student.
5. Requesting a song in room full of people … only to find you are suddenly the only person left in the room...oh.
6. Wearing your shower shoes to a party because they are “comfortable” and “fun."
7. Doing sit-ups in a room full of people while drunk because you forgot to work out that day.
8. Finding a temporary tattoo on the floor then putting it on your face because you think it is “trendy."
9. Going to the bathroom in a fraternity house, but then realizing there is no toilet paper.
10. Rocking some awkward dance moves.
11. Wearing the wrong attire to a party.
12. Introducing yourself to someone whom you have already met.
13. Playing hard trap music at inappropriate times.
14. Being the only one drunk at an obviously sober event.
15. Letting your drunk mind convince you that you look awesome, but then looking in the mirror and realizing you are a sloppy mess.
16. Not noticing a lonely piece of toilet paper dragging from your shoe.
17. Talking about someone and realizing they are right behind you.
18. Someone saying hi to you and having no idea who they are.
19. Forgetting to lock the door to the bathroom.
20. Forgetting items at a fraternity and having to retrieve them in the morning.
21. Calling someone the wrong name all night.
22. Slipping and falling in front of the party.
23. Wearing the same outfit as someone else there.
24. Dancing on a couch but then falling dramatically when your heel slips through the crack.
25. Thinking someone acknowledged you from across the room, so you smile and wave. Except it wasn’t you, but rather the person behind you. Awkward.