In the spirit of turning 22, I decided to collect my own thoughts from the 22 years of experience (or lack there of) that I've had. I'm hoping you have known these and live by some, or if not, I can provide you with a little extra advice. These are some things that have been shown to me by others, I stumbled upon myself, and learned through failure and starting over again. Everyone longs for the fun-filled 21st birthday, so I'm here to make something out of the one that comes after. I took the year as an opportunity to find myself, or at least parts, and grow. I'm constantly trying to be a better person, friend, girlfriend, daughter, student, and everything in between. Here are some things that enable me to do just that.
1. Never apologize for your emotions—especially happiness
I can't stress this enough, and that's partially why it's number 1, but you should never have to apologize for your feelings. This goes for any of them, even the bad ones. It's okay to be angry, sad, down, hurt, resentful, etc. It is also okay to be excited, happy, eclectic, anxious, and everything in between. I put this on the list because I remember distinctly being super excited over something really little and someone (I remember them, but they shall remain nameless) said in a condescending manner, "Why are you so happy?" This bothers me, tremendously. WHY? Really? You shouldn't have to explain why you're happy, the important thing is that in that particular moment you are happy, that's what matters. So in addition to not having to apologize, you don't need an explanation either. Feel freely.
2. Make friends in new places, they’ll come in handy
You can never make too many friends. That being said you don't have to be their very best friend if you only met them like two times. But, it doesn't hurt to keep occasional contact. You never know when you'll be traveling unaccompanied through their area, or interviewing for a job in their company, etc. Shake hands and smile. It will get you a long way.
3. Do not raise your voice, better your argument
This is something I continue to struggle with, probably because I'm just an emotional person. When you're trying to defend your position or advocate for something new, do not yell it. If you get too emotional, it only signifies that you have a weak argument. If you're argument is good enough in itself, you do not need to scream it. Plus getting emotional makes you look like you can't handle pressure and you don't want that either.
4. Believe you can; whether you do or don’t, you’re right
An old friend told me this along time ago, and I strongly believe it. It took a lot of things for me to realize this is true. Most strikingly, a long terrible season of injury and bad coincidences. When I came back from a season of defeat, the biggest hurdle was confidence. Whenever I tell myself that I can do something, I usually am right. The opposite is also true, if you tell yourself you can't, you've beaten yourself before you've even tried. Don't be your own worst enemy.
5. Don’t forget a “thank you” where it is due
The worst feeling is not giving the proper appreciation to someone who has helped you. You won't realize it immediately, but when you do you will kick yourself for not taking the 5 seconds to just say "thanks".This applies to friends, parents, teachers, boy/girlfriends, everyone.
6. Don’t ever give up on something you might miss
I've learned this through a number of different aspects of life. Classes, hobbies, sports, relationships, etc. I think it is a great piece of advice for the 20-something's who never know what direction to go. If you're ever thinking about giving up or letting something/someone go, make sure you realize what you would be missing out on before you make a decision.
7. Relish in the small, nameless moments you spend smiling
with someone who matters to you
There will be days where everything just sucks. Really, it'll be like one of those rainy Mondays that get you because you didn't check the weather before wearing the wrong outfit outside. Then you'll forget something important, you're hair won't cooperate, and you feel as though you are drowning. That will happen. But what will also happen is that little glimmer of hope that comes in form of a joke or a smile that someone will put on your face. You'll forget about your rain soaked clothes, unruly hair, and the 0 you took on the forgotten homework assignment (it was probably only like 2% of your grade anyway) and everything will seem okay. Remember those small little moments that bring you back from your self-pity party, because those little moments are going to save you from the darkest days.
8. Be well dressed on Mondays
I always get comments on Monday mornings where I'm walking around dressed to the 9's (I have 8:30am Admissions shift so I have to, but still), and people are so confused as to how I have the "willpower" to dress up on a Monday morning. College kids are so lazy, btw. It reflects something about you though. On a day that is constantly dreaded, the hardest morning to wake up to and get through, you chose to take the time to get up a little earlier and make yourself (exceptionally) presentable. Some may think you're a try-hard or that it's unnecessary, but others will commend you for it. Plus you never know who you'll end up meeting on that Monday, but no matter who it is, you'll be dressed for the occasion.
9. Don’t lose yourself to gain someone else
This is tempting. Sometimes you get a crush or a new significant other and you want to do whatever it takes to please them. The good news is, that means you have a big heart. The bad news is, you won't be able to tell when it's taken advantage of. Never change your standards because you think it will cause someone to leave you. If they do, they weren't worth it. If they stay, then you know you got a good one. I like this quote and I think it applies here: "Keep your heels, head, and standards high."
10. The little things are anything but
Refer to #7 for more clarity. The little things in life that make you happy are so much bigger than they seem. When things get hard, hold on to those "little" things.
11. Know your worth so you know when it goes unrecognized
When I was trying to get into to college those short 4 years ago. I was overlooked by coaches and got wait-listed into my then dream school, I thought it was the end of the world at the time. Going through this only made me want to be the best person I could be and enrich the school that did want me there (I think I've stuck to that pretty well). This experience only showed me that sometimes people will not understand your worth. It also made me realize it myself, and now I think that the coaches that denied me regret that. Don't let anyone undermine you, know your own self-worth. Just because someone doesn't recognize your worth, doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
12. Things start over. That’s why God made Mondays, January, and sunrises.
There will come a time (or many) that you feel as if you have hit rock bottom. There will come a time (or more) that you are at rock bottom. That is okay. Things always get better. Maybe not as quickly as we would prefer, but they do. The dark days will end, you just have to hang in there.
13. People are always teaching you, be a better student
I've found that people, although they may seem elusive and hard to read, actually tell you a lot by their actions. Listen to what people say, pay attention to their body language, notice what makes them laugh. People are always revealing themselves to you, you just have to give them the attention they deserve.
14. You spend a large part of your life in shoes—invest wisely
This is a great way to justify spending too much (I mean, is there a such thing?) money on a pair of shoes.
15. Buy a watch, you never know who will need the time
My favorite accessory that has become more of a necessity is a watch. I can't count how many times I've been out and someone asks the time. It's something so simple that initiates a kind interaction between strangers. And we all know, kind interactions between strangers are hard to come by these days.
16. Take the back road when you get the chance
I've lived on a back road my whole life and never really came to appreciate it until a couple of years ago. A very special person took me on a back road from Starbucks that lead back to campus one day. It was one of the most peaceful drives I've been on. A back road allows you to think about all the great things in life when you're too distracted by city lights. If you find one, take it.
17. Ripped jeans, in fact, do not cost less
Ever since I was rocking abercrombie (kids) I've loved a good pair of destroyed denim. My grandpa always had the most clever remarks about how he "hoped they cost less since they were missing half the material." In my 22 years, I have yet to come by a pair of destroyed denim that costs less than a normal pair. But every time I put on a pair, I smile to myself remembering that innocent joke that used to drive me insane.
18. Family is not always born to you
I have found the best people being in college. People that go beyond the limitation of a friend. They're the people who let you come in without knocking because they do the same, let you lay on their bed and talk nonsense while they continue with whatever task they were on, text you about things that remind them of you, laugh at the same jokes, make you laugh and provide you with laughter, the people you don't mind lending your clothes to, the ones who check to make sure you made it in okay after a night out, pick up your tab when you forget your wallet, and give you a look that says more than words could ever do. These people are a rarity. When you find them, you know they aren't your friends, they are your family.
19. Be careful who you let do your hair
Hair grows back, yes. But it does not do it with haste. Also, your hairdressers have the best gossip, and the best hairdressers don't spread yours.
20. Worry does not rid tomorrow’s sorry, it denies today’s strength
I still have to remind myself of this one. You can worry yourself to death, but whatever the impending fate is, it will come. Don't worry about what's to come, prepare yourself for how to handle it.
21. Second chances are worth distributing
Coming from someone who is the worst with holding grudges, this is a good one to consider. If I hadn't of given out some second chances, I would have missed out on some of the best moments and greatest people in my life. Bitterness and resentment only makes your heart harden, give a second chance to someone who wants it. You'll be surprised with what they do with it.
22. It’s not work if you love what you do
My beloved school has this as the header of the website, and it is so true. Don't get an education for a paycheck, don't get a job for a salary, get a career because not only will you have the financial stability but you won't have to work a single day of your life. I chose a biology degree for all of the wrong reasons, and here I am four years later questioning whether I should have done something different. I do not regret my decision, being a biology major taught me more than the natural sciences and the dreaded "E" word (evolution).
But I'm unsure I can find a career in the biological sciences. I could definitely find a job, but who couldn't? I want to love my work, and I want to do something that I will never want to quit doing. I haven't found that quite yet, but I'm working on it. I'll know it when I find it. I know a lot of people who go through the motions of their job and long for the days they will be retired. You will know those people when you see them, too. I don't want to live that way. Do what makes you makes you happy. Find your passion and turn it into a career.
