Think of it — Bernie Sanders is the angry old man who lives in the basement, Hillary Clinton is his younger sister who is going through a phase and Donald Trump and Ted Cruz are the married couple who adopted them both. They are just one big, happy family...
...Until they all choose to get on the campaign trail!
On April 12, 2015, Hillary decided to start a new chapter in her life; she felt almost entitled to a seat in the White House or something like that. So she started her campaign in hopes that her old socialist brother didn't get in her way.
About a month later, Bernie greased up his hair and hit the campaign trail too in hopes that he would be able to set fire to his younger sister in front of a whole crowd of people and restore the United States to the socialist utopia it should be. Bernie took 100 pounds of cannabis with him on the campaign trail.
Trump then proclaimed, "Well if my communist son who is somehow older than me is joining the race, then hell, I will too!" So Trump stood in front of the media and proclaimed, "White is right!" and they ate it up. The press was so focused on the "perfectly fine" things that this man spewed that they actually made the American public think he was the only person running for president for a few months.
Oh yeah, and Ted started his campaign a month before Hillary but nobody really noticed him until this Trump thing became a reality.
Then, Trump, Ted, Jeb Bush, Rand "Nail-Clippers" Paul, Ben Carson, Carly Fiorina and a couple other no-names hit the debate stage! Trump brought a katana with him and ended Jeb Bush's existence in a split second. The crowd was shocked, but Ben Carson was sleeping. Finally, after Trump insulted Carly Fiorina's face and told Rand Paul to take his father's libertarian manifesto and take a hike, it was clear to the voters who the real alpha male was.
At the Democratic debate, the environment was slightly less hectic. There they were, the glorious contenders for the Democratic nomination, Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders — oh yeah and Jim Webb — a wannabe Republican, Lincoln Chafee and Trump's rival in spray tanning, Martin O'Malley. After about five minutes of speaking, the voters already knew that Hillary Clinton was the only real candidate.
So finally, it's almost the New York State primary, and everyone is all political and riled up. Bernie did indeed set fire to Hillary, but it wasn't devastating; he only gave her a mild "Bern" when she finally realized that she wasn't a shoe-in. Ted Cruz copied every single policy position that his husband Trump had laid out, but he added "holy" to the beginning of all of them.
After their respective debates, the family would meet at their humble home for an extremely late 2 a.m. dinner. The talks at the table would be awkward, and the beef between Hillary and Bernie had only grown since they last enjoyed a plate of spaghetti and meatballs, courtesy of Chef Cruz.
Bernie would rant about income inequality to the dog that his father Trump had named "Carly," and Hillary would browse, "What do the young people like?" on her phone. Finally, Daddy Ted would ask how everybody's day went, only to find that Bernie was busy rambling about big business to Carly and that Hillary was tweeting emoji-ridden and condescending statuses in an attempt to derail Bernie's campaign and credibility. Trump could barely even look at his "liar" of a husband, but they still had great sex (apologies for the image that may not be in your mind).
So you must be thinking, what kind of sick person would watch this sitcom? Well, I must tell you something friends, if it has Trump in it, it will be extremely popular — no matter how terrible it is.
