With the 2016 Presidential Election getting closer and closer, college students may find themselves having a difficult time keeping up with the many different candidates and what they stand for. The easiest way to understand who is campaigning for what is to put their platforms in a way everyone can understand. Here are the candidates in terms of the Pawnee, Indiana Parks and Recreation Department.
Jeb Bush (R): Ben Wyatt
This former governor of Florida, though boringly practical, is probably one of the most qualified people to be running for president right now. He knows his stuff and covers all his bases. Though Ben Wyatt is competent and has proven to be successful in his adult life, people are quick to dismiss him based on his background (i.e. Ice Town). In the same way, Bush did great work in Florida, reducing taxes and preventing the introduction of internet gambling, but when people hear his name, all they really hear is "Bush", and attribute all of his father and brother's faults to him. And let's be honest, if any of the candidates could speak Klingon, you can't deny it'd be Jeb.
Carly Fiorina (R): Leslie Knope
No doubt Carly Fiorina is a bright, hardworking woman who has been very successful in her business endeavors. Like Leslie, she's worked hard to prove that she can hold her own among any group of men and is a positive example for women in the workforce. Sometimes, the both of them struggle to dumb down what they're trying to say to their audiences (a difficult task in and of itself; Carly, with the other GOP candidates, and Leslie with the Pawnee public). Knope and Fiorina are also both actively involved in nonprofits and philanthropies, and both are published authors. However, like Knope, Carly Fiorina's constant effort to emulate perfection can lead to her being annoyingly over-the-top, and many of us question if her successes in one area really say anything about how successful she'd be as a president.
Martin O'Malley (D): Ron Swanson
I know what you're thinking: there is no way Ron Swanson would ever be a Democrat. But hear me out on this one: O'Malley obviously comes from tough roots, as he is the descendant of veterans from both WWII and the War of 1812 (and proud of it, evident in his membership in the General Society of the War of 1812). O'Malley is also very equal-opportunity oriented when it comes to people. If you don't bother him, he won't bother you, so to speak, which seems like the basis for where he stands on same-sex marriage, religion, and immigration. Also, both Ron and Martin are surprisingly musically inclined; by night, Ron is Duke Silver, saxophonist extraordinaire, and Martin O'Malley is the namesake of his Celtic Rock Band, O'Malley's March, in which he has been a singer as well as played the banjo and guitar.
Dr. Ben Carson (R): Ann Perkins
We all loved Ann in the first season. She tried hard to be a valuable character and had a few funny one-liners here and there. But eventually, she fizzled out and we found ourselves wondering why she wouldn't just leave already. Obviously Dr. Carson is a brilliant guy who is really great at what he does. We all were fascinated by him at first and agreed with what he had to say, but now it might be time for him to retire gracefully to Michigan with Chris Traeger.
Ted Cruz (R): Tom Haverford
Cruz might have some great plans to better the U.S., but it's just so hard to take him seriously. Maybe it's because he's from Texas (nothing from the South can be taken seriously, of course), and maybe it's just that he's kind of short and awkward. Either way, one thing's for sure: Ted Cruz knows how to "treat himself" to a pair of ostrich-skin cowboy boots every now and then.
Rand Paul (R): Andy Dwyer
Despite the obvious that both of their hair makes them look like dirty q-tips, these two have many other similarities. Both like to think of themselves as rockstars, and are liked more by younger people than older ones (Paul, among younger voters, and Andy among little kids at birthday parties). Though they both just seem like they're winging it most of the time, Andy and Rand are still pretty loveable to the people who know them best. Lastly, I have no doubt that if any of these candidates had a secret alter ego named Burt Macklin, rogue FBI agent, Rand Paul would be the guy.
Chris Christie (R): April Ludgate-Dwyer
The current governor of New Jersey is harshly unapologetic and open about whom he hates (which is most people). Like April, he has no problem pointing out to someone when he or she is being an idiot. They both tend to get defensive at confrontation, and sometimes they do something for the sole purpose of pissing someone else off. Though they both come across as the last people you'd want in charge of anything, they have proved competent enough to handle their responsibilities when it is something they really care about. Of course, despite their childish antics, both can be surprisingly smart when they need to be.
Marco Rubio (R): Chris Traeger
Rubio seems like the man who can do anything. He went to college on a football scholarship and proceeded to graduate cum laude from the University of Miami School of Law. Post-school he quickly made a name for himself in the political community, and is a public favorite among the GOP candidates. So why is it that we sometimes find ourselves wondering why he's here? Regardless, he is literally the perfect Chris Traeger.
Mike Huckabee (R): Jerry Gergich
Poor Mike Huckabee. He always tries, and he always goofs. Huckabee has often made himself the laughing stock of the GOP, which has been a very competitive position this year. But when you think about it, both he and Jerry are good people with good intentions. No, Huckabee's problem is that he often doesn't mean what he says in the way that it is received, but we're all laughing so hard that he doesn't the chance to explain himself. A favorite example of mine is from the Josh Duggar scandal, where he was quick to loyally defend his friends, but ended up sounding like he condoned child molestation... You can almost hear the entire Parks Dept. groaning, "Not again, Huckabee." Trivia fact: Both Jerry/Larry/Terry and Mike are ordained ministers (Jerry married Leslie and Ben).
John Kasich (R): Mark Brendanawicz
Governor Kasich, like Brendanawicz, started somewhat strong towards the beginning of the series, with the first GOP debate in his home state of Ohio. But then, pretty quickly, he virtually disappeared. Like seriously, is he still in the race?
Hillary Clinton (D): Jennifer Barkley
You may remember Jen Barkley as Bobby Newport's campaign manager who had a recurring role in that and the following season. She, like Hillary, was a seasoned politician who always made sure she got her way. Like Barkley, Hillary has no problem playing dirty as long as she comes out on top. The two women have evaded numerous scandals in DC and have somehow managed to go unpunished for every one of them. And of course, they handle all of this while their hair and makeup stay on point. However, Jennifer, like Hillary's political career, was just a secondary character-- never the main attraction no matter how hard she tried to be. Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.
Donald Trump (R): Councilman Jeremy Jamm
These two are basically a match made in Hell. Neither have any business being in politics. Both get their way by ensuring they talk so much that nobody else gets a word in edgewise. Both are kind of racist and think that women are inferior, and they they both have insane ideas that they think will work. And lastly, both are typically only supported by ignorant, uneducated people. Quite frankly, as much as we don't need another career politician in office, we certainly don't need a real life Councilman Jamm running our country.
Bernie Sanders (D): Lil Sebastian
Bernie Sanders has an excellent reputation among the majority of Democrats. The cool thing about he and Lil Sebastian is that they bring people together. Democrats who might hate one another can all be unified by their love for Sanders (or more importantly, their desire for a someone in their party who's not Clinton to become president), in the same way that Lil Sebastian unites the citizens of Pawnee when they need it most, such as during the Harvest Festival. Untrue fun fact: Sanders and Lil Sebastian are now tied as the eighth most photographed creatures in the United States. It's true, everyone loves these two, but no one can really tell you why. They're also both incredibly old.
Lindsey Graham (R): DJ Rumba
This really isn't relevant at all. But then again, neither is Lindsey Graham to the presidential race. They're both occasionally amusing, though.
