I’m turning 20 this Saturday (I can’t even believe I’m saying that!), and I’ve been reflecting on how far I’ve come and what I’ve learned along this 20-year journey of mine. I’ve had a lot of ups and downs, but everything I’ve been through so far in life has taught me something valuable, no matter how small it is. These are the 20 lessons that I’ve learned from everything I’ve been through before I turned 20:

1. Smile when you’re sad.

When you’re sad, it might feel physically impossible to smile. But it isn’t. Making yourself smile when you’re sad can actually improve your mood and take a lot of the negativity away, allowing you to feel better more quickly.

2. Don’t stress over small things.

I’m still struggling with this one, but I’ve learned over the years not to stress over small things because it doesn’t solve the problem. Stressing over small things just creates bigger problems to solve, and most of them are in your head instead of in reality. It’s best to take a deep breath and understand that things will work out how they are meant to be.

3. The friends who are meant to stay will.

This is a huge life lesson that I’ve been fortunate enough to learn. You can’t make everyone stay in your life because some people just aren’t meant to stay. A lot of the people you meet in life are meant to move on without you as you are meant to move on without them. And that’s okay. There doesn’t have to be a huge falling-out or even a declaration of the friendship ending. Sometimes, people just grow apart or walk away. That’s okay. The friends you are meant to have for the rest of your life will stay in your life or will come back to you when the time is right. I’ve lost a lot of friends along the way, but the ones who have stayed with me are the ones who are meant to be in my life right now. Don’t push people away and don’t try to make people stay because the people who are supposed to be with you until the end will be. Give it time.

4. Stop worrying about what other people might think of you.

If you have to go eat dinner by yourself or if you want to wear your sweatpants with the crazy pattern on them, do it. Don’t hold yourself back from what you want and need to do because you’re worried about what other people might think or say about you. Who cares? The only person you should worry about pleasing is yourself, because that’s who you’re stuck with in the end. So stop thinking about what other people will think or say because it’s not worth your time and energy. Do what you want and need to do simply because you want and need to do it. Anyone who judges you for making yourself happy doesn’t deserve to be in your life anyway.

5. Enjoy the time you spend with the people you love.

It might sound horrible to say, but you never know when things are going to change for better or worse. Someone who is here today might not be there tomorrow. So enjoy the time you spend with the people you love, whether that’s family or friends, enjoy it. Make time for the people you truly love and care about, because nothing is promised in life. Don’t take your family and friends for granted because you might not get the chance to thank them, return the favor, or spend time with them. You never know, so enjoy life with them right now.

6. Never doubt yourself.

You might think you know what you’re capable of, but what if you’re totally wrong? What if you’re capable of so much more than for what you give yourself credit? Never doubt yourself. If you can’t do something, keep working at it to change that. There’s no reason to doubt that you are capable of doing things because, most of the time, they’re completely within your reach. People doubt themselves out of fear of discomfort. Break out of that. Try something new, and you’ll see that there was no reason to doubt yourself. If you don’t doubt yourself, then no one else can.

7. Know your worth.

This is a really tough one to put into practice, but you have to know who and what you deserve in life. This comes with building confidence and self-esteem, so it isn’t easy. You need to know your worth in terms of relationships to other people because you need to know when to walk away. Sometimes friendships and relationships are no good for us and we don’t see it, but you need to know your worth and respect yourself enough to walk away from the people and things that aren’t good enough for you.

8. There is a rainbow after every storm.

After everything “bad” that has happened in my life, there has always been some good that has come of it. Getting into a couple minor car accidents has allowed me to become an even more cautious and alert driver. Doing poorly on exams has pushed me to work harder for the good grade next time. Losing friends has allowed me to know who my true friends are and has given me the chance to become more independent. When something that happens might look bad, just know that there will be something good that will come out of it. There truly is a rainbow after every storm. Sometimes you just have to look harder for it.

9. Anything worthwhile might not come easily.

Working hard for something usually means that it is worth your time. People rarely get things handed to them, so working for what you want means it’s worth it. You can’t just become a teacher or just lose all the weight you want. It takes time and hard work. The harder you have to work to achieve a goal, the more important and worthwhile that goal is for you. Nothing worthwhile happens overnight, so know that when you’re working your butt off day and night to reach your goal, you’ll get there with dedication and time.

10. Tell your parents that you love them.

For whatever reason, a lot of teenagers, and some adults, feel uncomfortable telling their parents that they love them. Some people think it makes them vulnerable, and others think it makes them “lame.” None of this is true. Your parents love you simply because they’re your parents, and you love them, too. Tell them. Without them, you wouldn’t be here, and you wouldn’t have all of the great opportunities you have as an adult. So please tell them that you love them every chance you get. They’ll love hearing it. Oh, and call your grandma. She misses you.

11. Tell your siblings that you love them.

Yes, they’re annoying. But admit it. You love your siblings. They’re some of your first friends, and things aren’t always bad between you guys. They’re there when you need someone to watch a movie with or to convince Mom and Dad to let you go out with your friends on a school night. You have each other’s backs, and you’ve had some great memories. Why pretend you don’t love them? You do. Tell them. They might not say it back, but they love you, too.

12. Do what makes you happy.

Throughout my life so far, I’ve learned that you need to do what makes you happy simply because it makes you happy. You can’t please everyone, and you don’t have to please anyone but yourself. Do what makes you happy in all that you do. This is especially important in choosing a career. If you can’t say, “I love my job” and mean it, find the job that will let you. A paycheck isn’t everything, especially if you don’t like what you’re doing. Being happy now will ensure your happiness for the future.

13. Take pictures.

Taking pictures with your family and friends is a great, simple way to capture your memories. I personally love looking back at all the pictures I’ve taken with my friends and family over the years because they remind me of all of the good times I’ve had. Taking silly pictures is especially important because it allows you to show your true personality and goof off a little. You can even make little scrapbooks for yourself or for your friends. Take pictures so you can look back on your memories later.

14. Travel as much as you can, no matter how far.

Whether it’s to another country or just to the beach with your best friend, travel as much as you can. I’ve learned that there is so much to be learned by traveling pretty much anywhere. Three years ago, I went to Germany to visit my mom’s family, and we’re going back this summer. I learned a lot about my family, Germany and myself while I was there, and I can’t wait to go back and see what I learn this time. Local traveling is a great way to get to know your surroundings better, and traveling far is a great way to see how other societies and cultures live, even if you stay within the country. So go explore. You might be surprised by what you learn.

15. Let it go.

You can’t hold on to negativity. Harboring negative feelings causes a lot of pain and negativity in other aspects of your life. We all have things happen to us that upset us, but we have to learn to let them go. I’ve had a lot of people do things to me that hurt me in more ways than they know, but I’ve let go of the negativity about those things because holding on to it does more damage than letting it go. I’ve learned that you actually feel much better when you let go of something because you don’t feel like you need to be angry or upset all the time. Don’t hold yourself back - let it go.

16. Forgive, even when people don’t deserve it.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the past 20 years, it’s that you need to forgive people, even when they don’t deserve it. I’ve learned this lesson recently because it’s been relevant to my life just in the past few years. You need to forgive people for yourself. I know that sounds counter-intuitive, but it’s true. You can’t grow as a person if you don’t forgive people. Forgiving is also not the same as forgetting. You can forgive people and not forget what they did. I do this because you should forgive people in order to let go of what they did to you, but you shouldn’t forget what they did because you can’t act like it didn’t happen. Forgiving people, even when they don’t deserve it or haven’t apologized, is better for your sanity and well-being because it allows you to be the bigger person and grow into who you’re meant to be.

17. Live life in the moment, but always look toward the future.

This is one I’m still working on, but at least I know that I need to do it. I’ve always been one to plan out even little things because I need to know where I’m going or what I’m doing. It’s just how I am. But one of the greatest lessons I’ve learned is to do this while living in the moment. I know that I need to enjoy what’s going on around me when it’s happening, so that it’s not just a memory, but an experience. At the same time, I should continue to look to the future. Some people believe that living in the moment means having no regrets after you’ve done something. I believe sort of the opposite. I make decisions while looking toward the future because I want to ensure that I will have as few regrets as possible in the future. This means that I do live in the moment, but I’m aware that the decisions I make in the moment will impact my future in some way, so I avoid regret that way. It’s definitely important to live in the moment, but don’t act like you have no control over your future. Just be smart about it.

18. Not everyone will treat you as well as you treat them.

This is a huge lesson that I’m still grappling with but am managing to gain control over. I’ve learned time and time again that almost no one will treat you the same way that you treat them. I consider myself to be a genuinely trustworthy, reliable and generous person who will do anything to make other people smile. I’ve done super nice things for people more times than I can count because I want them to know that they’re special and loved. However, I’ve also been disappointed quite a few times to find out that this kindness and generosity is not always returned. Sometimes, people just don’t treat you as well as you treat them. It’s probably not intentional. It’s just something you need to accept and let go. I don’t treat people well because I want them to treat me well, too - I treat people better than how I want to be treated because I want them to know that I love them.

19. Be yourself.

It sounds cliché, but there isn’t anyone like you. You’re unique, and you deserve to show off who you are to the world. You shouldn’t have to worry about the way others perceive you, because your opinion of yourself is the only one that matters. If you’re lying to other people about who you are, you’re really lying to yourself, which is one of the worst things you can do for yourself. Anyone who doesn’t like who you truly are doesn’t deserve to have you, and they probably aren’t meant to be in your life anyway. Be who you really are. The people who love you for you will accept you unconditionally.

20. You will end up where you are meant to be.

This is one that I told a lot of my friends when we were applying to colleges a few years ago, and it’s still true. You will end up where you are meant to be - it’s inevitable. When we were applying to and hearing back from colleges, I had a few friends who didn’t get in to their top choice schools. My advice to them was that they will end up at the school at which they’re meant to be, and they did. They’re so happy where they are now because they’re meant to be there. In every aspect of life, you will end up where you’re meant to be. You’ll end up in the job you’re meant to be in, and you’ll end up with the people with whom you’re meant to be. To high school seniors, the school from which you will graduate in four or five years is the school at which you’re meant to be. You might not be in love with the idea of it now, but that’s where you’re going to make friends with people who are supposed to be in your life and where you’ll have experiences that you’re supposed to have. I believe that the universe has a way of straightening things out, so give it some time. I promise that you will end up where you are meant to be.

I’ve learned a lot over the past 20 years. I’ve watched myself and the people around me grow into the wonderful human beings we are now. I can’t believe that my teen years are behind me, but I can’t wait to see where the next 20 take me.