17 Fictional Characters Who Would Make a Better President Than Donald Trump

17 Fictional Characters Who Would Make a Better President Than Donald Trump

After he lost in Iowa, it's all fair game.
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In the current political climate, it's tough to tell who exactly would be the best president of the United States. While I'm still proselytizing for my man Vermin, I thought I'd at least pick out some of my favorite characters who I think might serve the nation better than Donald Trump.

1. The Iron Giant ("The Iron Giant")

Since someone nominated the man who wants to "bomb the shit out of ISIS" for a Nobel Peace Prize, we might as well throw in another being who turned to peace. Plus, since Vin Diesel voiced the big metal dude, we'd technically have our first Latino president

2. Godzilla ("Godzilla vs. Hedorah" A.K.A. "Godzilla vs. The Smog Monster")

Sure, good ol' greenie has wrecked some cities in her time, but in this movie, she's just another warrior out for environmental justice. Since she's technically Tokyo's cultural ambassador, the citizenship thing may be a sticky wicket. But nothing can stand in the way of a lizard with a plan

3. Sam White ("Dear White People")

She's a media-savvy college kid who actively fights racism in all forms (she even called out Tarantino!) and knows how to subvert bureaucratic hoops (see the end of the movie). Sam may be exactly what our country needs right now, count me in.

4. Jack Ryan ("Patriot Games")

Yes, his foreign policy is imperialistic, right wing, and generally pro-military (which makes him a lot like Mr. Trump). But Ryan also found the Red October and is an expert diplomat, so it kind of balances out?

5. Casper McFadden ("Casper the Friendly Ghost")

Many have accused Trump of being inhuman because of his harsh stances on people who aren't white guys with a bunch of money. Casper's also not technically human, but he's very friendly

6. Buffy ("Buffy the Vampire Slayer")

There are plenty of vampires in Washington. I'm not talking about people who look like vampires (sorry, Uncle Joe), more people whose job seems to be get elected and betray their constituency. Maybe some supernatural a** kicking could balance the budget by January.

7. Hannibal Lecter ("Silence of the Lambs")

OK, maybe this is going too far. But he is was an extremely qualified psychologist, and everyone has skeletons in their closet. Mr. Lecter's skeletons just happen to once have been people.

8. Audrey 2 ("Little Shop of Horrors")

So long as you're electing a ruthless consumer, might as go with the mean green mother from outer space.

9. Cyrus ("The Warriors")

The original great unifier. Just because his plan to unite the gangs of New York against the police didn't pan out doesn't mean his skills went away. I can dig it!

10. Charlie Kelly ("It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia")

Qualifications: King of the Rats.

11. The Entire Breakfast Club (Duh)

They may not have convinced Mr. Vernon that they didn't deserve detention, but the fab five made us believe that any group of people can come together in the end. Skills like that will do nothing but good on the senate floor

12. Ellen Ripley ("Alien")

The original space bada**. She went through a gauntlet (including one angry xenomorph) that made Mark Watney's trip look like a weekend jaunt to Fiji

13. Eli ("Book of Eli")

The "memorizing the entire bible" thing plays really well with the Evangelical voters (not Mr. Trump's strongest crowd), making Eli the most electable of this entire list

14. Samus Aran ("Metroid Prime")


As a bounty hunter, she's maybe the closest to an actual warrior on this list. Since she's been to a lot of planets, though, and seen a lot of history, so I bet she's against carpet bombing

15. The Stormtrooper on the Far Right ("Star Wars: Episode IV")

Yeah, he made a little mistake. But he's willing to make sure the show goes on, no matter the cost (which, in this case, may be a mild concussion.)

16. Michelangelo ("Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles")

No, he's not an arrogant leader like Leonardo, a disconnected geek like Donatello, or even a hothead like Raphael. Mikey is the everyman's turtle, and he's here for the American people

17. John Quincy Archibald ("John Q")

John Q brought us a scathing critique of the American healthcare system back in 2002. Alternatively, we can go with the guy who is for vaccines, so long as they're in lower quantities, to prevent autism.



Cover Image Credit: http://i.cbc.ca/1.3185611.1439221742!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/16x9_620/donald-trump-supporters.jpg

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it

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Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

Cover Image Credit: wordpress.com

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Terrors Behind "Toddlers & Tiaras" - Beauty Pageants Need To Go!

Why Honey Boo Boo is not the girl we should be idolizing...

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Honey Boo Boo is famous for her extravagant persona, extreme temper tantrums, overwhelming attitude, and intense sassiness. All of these qualities are shared by many other young girls who participate in beauty pageants - not just in "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" but also in TLC's notorious "Toddlers & Tiaras," a show that depicts the horrors of little girls who have dedicated their childhood to winning the crown.

These shows, and the pageants they glorify do nothing but force girls to grow up too quickly, send negative messages to viewers and participants and pose health risks for the girls involved.

Therefore, beauty pageants for young girls should be abolished.

The hypersexualization that takes place in these pageants is staggering. Not only are young girls' minds molded into having a superficial view on beauty, but they are also waxed, spray-tanned, given wigs, retouched in pictures, injected with Botox and fillers, and painted with fake abs and even breasts.

Sexy is the goal, not cute. Girls of ages 2-12 wear skimpy clothing, accentuating only their underdeveloped bodies. A 4-year-old girl on "Toddlers and Tiaras" once impersonated Dolly Parton with fake breasts, another dressed as Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman (so basically, a prostitute), and another even pretended to smoke a cigarette to look like Sandy from Grease.

In Venezuela, people are so obsessed with pageants that they send their daughters to "Miss Factories," to train them to win. At these factories, underage girls undergo plastic surgery and hormone therapy to delay puberty in attempts to grow taller. In addition, they often get mesh sewn onto their tongues so that they are physically incapable of eating solid food. This idea of taking horrific measures to look slimmer is not unique to Venezuela. A former Miss USA explained that she would "slather on hemorrhoid ointment, wrap herself up with Saran wrap, and run on a treadmill with an incline for 30 minutes to tighten her skin and waist up." Many countries, including France and Israel have banned child beauty pageants because it is "hypersexualizing." Why has the US yet to follow in their footsteps?

Additionally, the pageants strip their young contestants of a childhood by basically putting them through harsh child labor. Oftentimes, girls as young as 18 months old participate in pageants. There is no way that a girl under 2 years old has the capacity to decide for herself that she wants to participate in a beauty pageant. Not to mention, education often takes a backseat in pageant girls' lives as long practice sessions interfere with sleep and homework. This causes long-term distress for the contestants, including widespread unemployment for former pageant girls.

Moreover, these pageants tie self-worth and self-esteem to attractiveness. They teach girls that natural beauty and intelligence are not enough, when in actuality they should be doing the opposite. In fact, 72% of pageant girls hire coaches to train girls to be more "attractive."

Finally, these pageants pose potent health risks for the girls competing. Not only do intense rehearsals interfere with their sleep cycles, but they are also impacted by the harmful methods taken to keep them awake. One example is Honey Boo Boo's "go go juice" - AKA a mixture of Mountain Dew and Red Bull. She is known for drinking this continuously throughout pageant days to stay awake and energetic - but the health risks associated with the drinks, let alone for such a young girl, are completely ignored.

And, the future health problems associated with pageantry cannot be looked past. Participating in beauty pageants as kids leads to eating disorders, perfectionism, depression - in fact, at least 6% suffer from depression while competing. "The Princess Syndrome," as Psychology Today calls it relates to a small study published in 2005 that showed that former childhood beauty pageant contestants had higher rates of body dissatisfaction. This sense of dissatisfaction can so easily be translated to more severe mental and physical health issues, including depression, anxiety, and eating disorders. The average BMI (Body Mass Index) of a Beauty Contestant in the US in 1930 was 20.8, which is universally in the middle of the "healthy" range. In 2010, it was 16.9, which is considered underweight for anyone.

So, despite the entertainment these shows and pageants provide, they should most definitely be stopped due to the immense amount of issues they cause for those involved and those who watch.

Although Honey Boo Boo is (sadly) considered one of America's sweethearts, her experience in pageantry has certainly not been a positive influence in her life nor in the lives of her fans - and this is the case for nearly all young pageant girls.

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