Ahhhh a new year....time to make resolutions and plan for a better you. If only it would last. For years I've been kidding myself with unrealistic New Year's resolutions that set me up for failure. This year I decided to lay out a list of resolutions that I obviously won't follow through with to make myself feel better when I'm right. Enjoy!
1. I will eat less.
HA! I always make this a New Year's resolution with such determination that falls through on January 2nd. This will just never happen. I love food, and who am I kidding? I'm not going to eat less! Healthier? Maybe. Less? Never.
2. I will go to sleep at a decent time.
Some nights, OK. Other nights I just feel like staying up and watching movies until my eyes glaze over, and I pass out. I won't deny myself that freedom.
3. I will drink less coffee.
I know, caffeine isn't the best for you. And I know, it stains your teeth. But how can I turn down heaven juice? It's an addiction. I need it. Food, water, shelter, and coffee. I need them.
4. I will workout everyday.
Mmmmm nope. Too hard. Maybe once a week. Maybe three times a week. Everyday is just not something I'll ever be up for.
5. I will attempt to look decent everyday.
Every year I set out to keep up with the girls who look like they stepped out of a magazine every single day. I must say, looking cute and doing my hair and makeup is a nice confidence boost, but getting up earlier to do that every single day and stressing about outfits is just too exhausting to stick to. I have to be realistic and welcome sweatpants days with open arms.
6. I will keep my apartment clean all the time.
I am a firm believer in "clean house, clear mind", but I will not promise myself that there will not be weeks I just don't feel up to scrubbing, sweeping, and vacuuming. No one is perfect, and it's OK the slack off every once in a while.
7. I will spend less time watching Netflix.
I'll admit, I spend a lot of time binge watching, and more often than not the 14 seconds in between episodes successfully lures me in to another hour of watching. However, I'm not going to pretend that I'm not going to continue enjoying TV shows and movies. I'm a sucker for a good plot and lovable characters, and there's so much to choose from.
8. I will spend less time in the grocery store.
Am I the only one who takes centuries in the grocery store? I hope not. I'm always so mad at myself when I go in for five things and end up spending the day looking at everything. I like to look, I like to analyze prices, and I like to get things I didn't come for. It's like a weird lame person hobby of mine.
9. I will quit giving people heart attacks by gasping when I see a stray.
I. Can't. Help. It. I understand that I'm not a rich person and can't afford a zoo. I understand I already have lots of pets. But it's an involuntary reaction to gasp when I see a stray dog or cat, because I know they want to come home with me. I will never stop asking if we can turn around and go get it.
10. I will be a less frequent T. J. Maxx visitor.
They have everything OK? I don't always buy things, mostly I just look and imagine. I like it there.
11. I will go to every class.
I try so hard, but some days I just can't muster up the energy to make it. After college, it's the real world. A real person job where you actually have to be there all the time. These are the last few years of my life where no one will notice or care if I'm not there occasionally. Sorry Professor, it's nothing personal most of the time.
12. I will be more like a grown up.
Sometimes it's necessary, but I just can't adult all the time. Sometimes I need Disney, Spongebob, and Poptarts to make me happy. And I like to go home and be with my parents. They have good food and make everything better.
13. I will keep my closet organized.
It doesn't like to be clean. It can only handle it for so long before it explodes. I don't know how it happens, but it's not me. My closet just gets stressed.
14. I won't be a scaredy cat anymore.
I am a paranoid weirdo. I always think someone's in the back seat of my car. I always think people are following me. I always think I hear noises at night. I always think strange lights in the kitchen are aliens. I always think things that fall were pushed by ghosts. I always run to the bed after I turn off the light. No New Year's resolution will ever change that.
15. I won't be such a granny driver.
I drive slow sometimes. I always use my blinker. I always check a million times before pulling into traffic. I never ever get too close to other cars. Excuse me for valuing my life and other peoples' lives and being terrified of crazy drivers. Safety first my friends. Grannies unite.
16. I won't be such a hypochondriac.
Headache? Death. Sore throat? Death. Paper cut? Death. I always think things are more serious than they actually are. I guess I'm a little dramatic.
17. I won't be such an awkward person.
I'm the person that accidentally says "You too," when the waitress tells you to enjoy your food. I'm the person that steps on someone's foot and says, "Ouch," when I meant to say, "I'm sorry." I'm the person that sweats profusely when the professor asks everyone to say their names and major on the first day of class. Charming, I know. I'm not going to try and be someone I'm not though. I've pushed myself to change and be different so many times. It's time to accept it and move on.
Bottom line is, New Year's resolutions should be about bettering yourself, not changing who you are or restricting yourself from the things that make you you. Life isn't perfect, and you shouldn't kill yourself to make others perceive you any other way than how you actually are. Life is short. Watch the show, sleep through class, eat the pizza, drive careful, watch Frozen, call your mom, and explore the grocery store as long as you want.
