For some reason I was always under the impression that if I were to become a single parent, no one would want to date me. I didn't think anyone would want to get involved in the chaos that is loving someone who has a child with someone else. I figured I'd be on Match.com, getting set up with a man who was divorced before anyone would look my way again, but I was wrong. Apparently I'm just as beautiful and desirable as I was before my body blew up then deflated, possibly more so now that I have a mothers glow now.
I don't really remember this whole dating thing; I haven't done it in awhile. I haven't gotten the flirty long text messages, I haven't been told I was beautiful daily, I haven't gone out on dates on Saturday nights or spent my Sunday's cuddling in bed with someone other than my daughter. It's all slowly coming back to me, but it's coming back differently. I've come to grips with the fact that I have new dating rules, I'm a different person now. My name is no longer just "Melanie" now, my name is Mommy.
I've always had a set of dating rules, not that I've always followed them, but I've always kind of had my guard up around men. This time, however, it's up the highest it's ever been.
But I don't want to focus on the past, I want to focus on the future. Here's all the things you'll need to know, moving forward, if you want to date me. It's more than my beauty, it's more than my smile, you will have to work harder than any man ever has to get my heart.
1. I don't hook up.
I'm not 17 anymore, and one night stands are so unfulfilling. I won't have random men sleepover, and I won't leave my daughter with a babysitter to go out with a different guy every week. If you're just trying to smash, pass.
2. You've gotta have some sort of plan.
You can be in school, you can be in the trade field or military, but you have to have a goal and future plans.
3. I don't date guys who get drunk every weekend, or guys who do drugs ever.
No cigarettes, drugs, alcohol, or vapes are allowed near my daughter. That's for you and your friends to do on a guys' night out.
4. I don't go to bars.
And my idea of a party is probably the third birthday party my daughter has been invited to this month.
5. You will never be called daddy by her, she has only one father.
Her father will always be in her life. But you can still love her, and play a role in her life.
6. I've probably background checked you like 10 times.
7. You'll have to hear about play dates, and crafts, and messes we make.
You'll have to find some sort of excitement in Sesame Street because it's probably all we'll watch.
8. Be prepared to deal with the situation at hand.
9. Know that I don't trust easily.
It's going to take me a while not to flinch when I accidentally spill a glass of water. That it's going to take a while before I let you inside after our date; it's going to take time for you to learn me and see all versions of me.
10. I won't let you meet my daughter until I know you're serious.
But you'll see lots of pictures of her.
11. You've gotta be down for a weekend trip to the zoo.
12. You are who you hang around.
I don't let negative influences around me or her.
13. I don't date men who don't know what they want.
14. Being a mom changed me, childbirth changed me.
I am still recovering and getting used to my new forever role as mommy. It's the greatest role I'll ever play.
15. I don't need any more chaos or instability.
I need someone who will be there when I call, come home every night, and eat pizza in our PJ's.
16. My daughter and I are a package deal, you have to love both of us.
17. My daughter comes first.
Her doctors appointments, her wants, her needs, her play dates, her school, her cheer, it will all come first. You'll plan dates that I'll have to cancel, you'll want to go away for a romantic weekend that will turn into a "family" getaway; she is number one and you'll have to know from the start she always will be.
And lastly, I'm scared. I'm so incredibly scared. There is no cut deeper than that of realizing the person you think you're going to spend the rest of your life with, doesn't love you anymore. I have secrets, I'm cautious, and you'll have so much to prove. You'll have to show you are the right man to bring into my life, and hers. You'll see me take steps slowly, you'll feel my touch in a different way, and you'll hear a new laugh. You'll get to love me in my mothering form, my purest form. We'll have adventures, we'll get stuck at Paw Patrol themed birthday parties, we'll kiss on the kitchen table while it's nap time.
You'll make the choice to love when you don't have to, you'll make the choice to listen, to understand the past and give us a better future than we would've had, you'll watch me walk into a pool I used to dive headfirst into without worrying if I'd drown.
I'm scared to start a new chapter, to turn a new page and let someone else in. Sooner or later, it won't feel forced. I'll laugh at your jokes, you'll fall in love with my smile, and we'll make the best of an unideal situation and it will all start with,
"Hi, my name is Melanie. But I usually am called Mommy."
